The CDC has just issued a CODE RED and an expert team that handles biological threats has been put on 24-hour call, because if this rumor is true, who knows what kind of flesh-eating diseases and creatures will be unleashed on the world from Miley Cyrus licking on Dane Cook’s dick with her smegma-covered tongue.
Just a couple of months ago, Miley Cyrus was “caught” by the paps finger fucking and making out with Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell. Well, a source tells UsWeekly that Miley’s finger may also be butt banging every early-aughts frat boy’s favorite comedian Dane Cook. 22-year-old Miley and 44-year-old Dane have been friends for a few years and they’ve apparently taken things from “friends” to “hump buddies.” Let’s all put on Hazmat suits and hold each other, because I know we’re all scared right now. Dane did not confirm or deny this terrifying news when E! asked him about it. He only said this:
“I’m always the last to know these things. Just let Miley know that I’ll pick her up for dinner at 8.”
I read that as an “eating out” joke and that means they’re totally fucking. I blame Mickey Mouse’s evil ass. Because it feels like everything Miley does, she does to prove to us that she’s no longer that squeaky clean, wholesome Disney star. When she rubbed her raw chicken paillard ass against Robin Thicke, we all said, “Okay, we get it.” When she posted pictures of her dyed cotton candy pube bush, we all said, “You’re edgy. Got it.” But now she’s gone TOO far by fucking Dane Cook. It’s all fun, games and cock until an all-powerful fast-mutating strain is created and destroys us all. Isn’t this how The Strain started?