Xtina Can Play Too

Since every trick, tramp and trollop has served her chichis and ass on Instagram this summer, Xtina has waved her hand and screamed, “Don’t forget about meeeeee,” from the back of the room by posting a picture her half-naked body in nothing but a pair of pink chonies. Xtina told her Instagram followers that she wants to show more of herself and be real and what’s more real than posting a picture that was practically taken in the dark, ran through Photoshop a couple of times and covered in Instagram filters? That truly is the definition of “real.”

Just so you know with me, it’s all real, all the time. Felt like it was time to start sharing some personal stuff with you guys… And it’s just the beginning. Night night. X

You know, I’m all for Xtina getting into the ho shit fun on Instagram, but this is not the way to do it. This is not how you present your half-naked bathroom selfie body. There are many things wrong with this picture, but I’m just going to cover a few:

1. TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS! I know Xtina was going for ~moody~ and ~mysterious~ and shit, but this isn’t a Brian DePalma movie. This is a bathroom selfie. How are we even supposed to know it’s her when it’s dark as all hell in there? If you told me that was my friend James pushing two pan dulces against his chest with his elbows while wearing a pair of VS PINK panties, I would not call you a liar.

2. The hell is that scary shadow behind her? I’m sure it’s just another statue since Xtina obviously wants her bathroom to look like a fancy Pier 1. But can the statue please make itself useful and do something like turn on the damn lights?

3. The minute I saw this picture, my eyes went directly to the gigantic rubber ducky on the side. That rubber ducky is in the darkness, but it’s still sucking in all the attention. Never ever pose with a rubber ducky if you want all eyes on you. A giant rubber ducky is like Uggie the dog. It will steal the scene without even trying.

Pic: Instagram