Miley Cyrus Just Reached Full Miley Cyrus

June 8, 2015 / Posted by:

That poor pig. I’m sure that when he left the farm all those years ago on a bus headed for the big city in hopes of becoming a pig model, he had no idea that one day he’d end up doing something so degrading as letting Miley Cyrus rub her nasty naked hillbilly bits against his body on the cover of a magazine. No, that’s actually not a poor pig who decided a check is a check. It’s actually Miley’s pet piggie Bubba Sue who decided to join her adopted mama on the cover of Paper magazine’s summer music issue. Fun fact: this marks the second time a giant ham has been on the cover of Paper magazine. The full interview comes out tomorrow, but they released this quote today:

“I was doing a show two nights ago, and I was wearing butterfly nipple pasties and butterfly wings. I’m standing there with my tits out, dressed like a butterfly. How the fuck is that fair? How am I so lucky?”

It’s true; Miley is lucky. There’s a chick who spins fire in the park near my house every Sunday in that exact same outfit, and her audience is limited to a dude with a set of devil sticks and a squirrel.

But back to that cover. Why do I get the feeling this wasn’t even what Paper had planned for the cover. I bet they probably had a giant bin of inflatable joints and a whole rack of gas station skank couture waiting for Miley to wear that they never got a chance to use because she showed up covered in mud with a pig under her arm and demanded to be shot as is. “Hey y’all, let’s git this picture shoot started, cause me and Bubba Sue got a monster truck rally at 3pm. The first 100 people in line get a free autograph on their titties from Count Truckula himself!

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