The trailer for Zack Snyder’s Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice was supposed to make its debut to the public in select IMAX theaters on Monday. No, it’s not going to play in front of another movie. The trailer is going to play by itself in a special screening and fans have to RSVP to guarantee their asses a seat. I was going to throw a side-eye at the hos RSVPing for a damn trailer, but I am not the one to judge. If a proper Showgirls sequel was made and the teaser trailer for the teaser trailer for the teaser trailer for the teaser trailer was released only in theaters, I’d be typing out this post while waiting in line. But anyway, someone decided to screw with Warner Bros. yesterday by leaking a blurry, bootleg Portuguese version of the trailer. I’m sure most nerds were attached to an IV drip full of Gatorade last night from orgasming until they came dust while watching the trailer for the new Star Whores movie, so I’m not sure if any of them even bothered to touch themselves over their pants while watching the Batman V Superman trailer.
The trailer is about as light as a Catholic funeral and while our ears are hit with a bunch of pretentious voice overs, our eyes are hit with men staring at things. There’s a whole lot of staring going on. There’s Superman staring at stuff and Batman doing a spot-on impersonation of an Easter Island figure while staring at stuff. I have a feeling that the movie’s most riveting scene will be a staring contest between Batman and Superman. The trailer ends with Batman getting into some kinky, Fifty Shades of Rubber talk by saying, “Do you bleed? You will.”
UPDATE: The blurry, pirated one that was filmed on a potato was snatched away, but Warner Bros. released the trailer in HD.
And I really hope the second trailer gives us a long glimpse of this pivotal scene:
What’s the point of making a Batman V Superman movie if you’re not going to include the only superhero moment that any of us (read: me, just me) care about!