Seen above looking like a dirty Q-Tip used to treat one of Barney’s anal warts, Chris Brown was in his home away from home, the court room, on Friday to hear a judge tell him that he’s free. The judge didn’t get to spit those words out, because he was too busy barfing up laughs over Chris looking like Grimace’s dick head.
Chris Brown was put on 5 years of probation in 2009 after he pleaded guilty to Ike Turnering RiRi the night before the Grammys. On top of 5 years probation, The Difficult Brown also got hit with 1,400 hours of community service and he had to take a year-long domestic violence course. Fist Brown managed to keep his inner throbbing asshole in check for about a year, but it came out in 2010 when he threw a fit in his dressing room at Good Morning America and broke a window. After that, he kept the fuckery coming by allegedly stealing a chick’s iPhone, getting into a club fight with Drake and brawling with Frank Ocean in a parking lot, etc, etc, etc. He also failed a drug test and got in trouble for faking some of his community service hours. His probation was revoked in 2013 when he went crazy on a chick after hitting her car with his. He was driving without a valid license at the time. The judge reinstated his probation a few months later and added 1,000 more community service hours as punishment.
The AP says that after all that, Chris Brown is finally done with probation and won’t have to show his face in court until he fucks up again, which will probably happen this week. Don’t worry, the Los Angeles County Probation Department doesn’t have to lay off its entire staff since they no longer have The Difficult Brown to keep them busy. They still have Lindsay Lohan.
Right after the hearing, Chris Brown burped up this tweet (which was later deleted): “IM OFF PROBATION!!!!!!!! Thank the Lord!!!!!!” To which the Lord tweeted, “Don’t thank me, bitch, I saw that purple hair and voted to keep you on probation for life.”
Even though he’s done with probation, Chris still has a conviction on his record, so Canada can still deny him, but nobody tell him that. We need another feel-good story about Drake cackling after a Mountie stamps “DENIED, EH!” on Chris Brown’s customs form.