NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!

America’s real-est, down-to-earth and jokey-est best friend Jennifer Lawrence continued to be real, down-to-earth and jokey at the Dior Haute Couture show in Paris yesterday when she fed Hermione Granger a serving of her palm. Nerd boys are going to get semi-soft and disappointed when they land on this picture after Googling “Jennifer Lawrence gives Emma Watson a facial,” but they’ll still find a way to fap to it.

THAT BITCH Jennifer Lawrence. I’d like to see her try that hand mask shit on one of my chola cousins. My chola cousins spend at least one full hour painting up their faces and not since Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel has such intricate work been done. They are serious about giving glamour in the face at all times. They will leave the house in stained sweats and a hole-y Garfield shirt as long as their face says, “Just stepped out of a Glamour Shot.” From the neck down, they’re giving “People of Walmart,” but from the neck up, they’re giving “MAC Store Assistant Manager.” Because  their painted up face is their everything, they’re one step away from walking around with a plexiglass mask on and a taser in each hand. They don’t like anyone getting near their Wet ‘N Wild beauty and if I got a tube of lipstick for every time they said, “No kisses, bitch,” to me while air hugging me from afar, I’d have ten million tubes of lipstick, which would last my cousins about a week.

So if some jokester trick ass bitch with “long-haired guinea pig after getting a body wave” hair came at them with her hand, the Academy would have to put a metal loop on all of Jennifer Lawrence’s future Oscar statues, because bitch would have hooks for hands. You mess with a chola’s beauty, you mess with her emotions.

But I see what sneaky Jennifer Lawrence is really doing here. She’s acting like, “Hahaha, I’m just joking around with Hermione, because I’m real like that,” but she’s really ruining Emma’s make-up on purpose. Hermione’s make-up game is pristine and JLaw looks like she rubbed her face between Tan Mom’s ass cheeks, so she’s trying to even the playing field. Well played, I guess.

And poor Hermione. She gets a JLaw hand to the face AND her stylist made her wear a truly hideous dress that made her look like a toddler going to a funeral in Whoville.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty