The Child Army Is Obsessed With St. Angie’s Tattoos

Before St. Angie puts the child army to bed after a long day of jet-setting across the globe and shopping at toy stores, she summons them all 6 of her precious angels into her bedroom, wrapping each one in a warm blanket of pure light, and gathering together on the bed for a story. And according to Us Weekly, the child army has no time for basic shit like Babar or Hop on Pop; they beg to hear the tale of how St. Angie turned her luminous skin into a magnificent inked tapestry:

“They are obsessed with her tattoos and always ask what they mean,” the insider tells Us, adding that Jolie is “happy to explain her tats to the kids.” (Among the 13 designs is an etching of the birth coordinates for each of her children, who were born all over the world, in Cambodia, Vietnam, Ethiopia, Namibia, and France.)

The source notes that Shiloh is especially fascinated by her mom’s ink. And Pax is already eager to get his own. “Angie tells him he has plenty of time,” the insider says.

The source then went on to explain that the child army aren’t as obsessed with the random assortment of messy tattoos that live on their father (the following quote may or may not have been made up by myself while staring at this picture of Brad Pitt):

Whenever the child army showers St. Angie with attention by marvelling at her tattoos, Brad will put down his bong, suck the Funyuns residue off his fingers, and pull off the sweat-stained henley he’s been wearing for 4 days to remind the kids that “Mama ain’t the only one with some sick tats, right kids?”

Typically Zahara will be the first to shout at him to put his shirt back on, followed by Shiloh demanding he take a shower (“With soap this time!”), and Pax asking his mother: “Is that really a tattoo of a mummy??? Oh my god, you truly are a saint for sticking with this guy.”

Pic: Splash