If Papa Joe Simpson were to describe Kate Upton’s body, her tits would be the Jessica Simpson and her ass would be the Ashlee Simpson. What I’m trying to say is: the tits are paying the bills. And just like Papa Joe Simpson, Kate Upton is thrusting her second, less-talented child into the spotlight by inviting the world to stop caring about her million-dollar water balloons for a second and start paying attention to her ass. Kate Upton shot a behind-the-scenes video during a Sports Illustrated shoot in the Cook Islands, and she explained why the photos of her ass hanging out of a thong bikini will be her favorite:
“You know what, my butt doesn’t get that much attention, so I think this shot will get it the attention it deserves.”
To quote the great poet Michelle Visage: “If you’re going to shimmy and show us your cakes, you have to have cakes.” And the only cakes Kate Upton is working with are two pancakes. Which isn’t necessarily bad; I mean, I did just get a craving for IHOP, and that’s always a welcome feeling. But I know asses that deserve attention, and you ma’am are no CoCo. She needs to realize that the money makers are in the front, not the back, so stop trying to make your ass happen Kate, it’s not going to happen! It’s like someone’s sassy Memaw might have once said: When you’re famous for your cheesecake, you don’t bring a half-eaten box of Twinkies to the bake sale.
Here’s more of Kate Upton’s ass modelling a Canadian tuxedo at a photoshoot in New York earlier this week: