PRAISE BE! There Will Be No Pimp Mama Kris Koochie In Playboy!

April 10, 2014 / Posted by:

But don’t go cancelling that order of eyewash bleach just yet. Pimp Mama Kris may not be doing Playboy, but she’s said nothing about Hustler, Penthouse, Juggs, Greasy Grandmas, Sluts of Satan, Viper Vadge, and Plastic Clownface MILFs Monthly. For now, though, let’s just celebrate the little miracle that is no Pimp Mama Pussy in Playboy.

According to E! Online, the owner of Kris’s Klassy Kall-Girls and the reason why Satan invented the term “Let it go to voicemail” actually did something to positively impact society when she gave an interview to KIIS FM’s Kyle and Jackie O Show and dispelled the awful, stomach-churning rumor that she would be following in her daughter’s footsteps by flashing her gash for cash in Playboy:

“Oh my God, no! I don’t think anybody wants to see me without any clothes on.”

For a woman who’s native language is Lies, these are the truest words she has ever spoken. Besides, there’s only one member of the Kardashian family of lost souls who’s able to serve the body-ody-ody needed for Playboy, and that’s Bruce Jenner. But that will never happen because Playboy is for ratchet hookers like Kim, not stunning land mermaids like Brucie.

And because this is Kris we’re talking about, she couldn’t get through the interview without mentioning the upcoming wedding of her bottom bitch (which is currently being billed as “A Celebration of Our Most Depraved Whores” in Hell):

“I don’t know about a plan. I said, ‘Let me do this, let’s do that, and I’d love to give you a party,’ and she said, ‘Mom, we just want to have it be a big surprise and we want you and everyone else to relax. You worked so hard the last time that we’re really excited to show you how it’s done in one of the cities we live in.'”

Kim then added: “Don’t worry mom, you’ll have plenty more weddings to plan for me and make money off of. I guarantee it.”

Pic: Instagram

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