Yes, We’re Living In A World Where Jackie And Kelso Are Having A Baby

March 23, 2014 / Posted by:

You’re probably not even reading this, because as soon as this picture came up, you dimmed the lights, put on some Sade, lubed up your eyeballs and laid them on that ass. I’m not talking about the ass in the cap either….

So, Mila Kunis did what every high school teacher tells their students not to do during the STD section of the sex ed talk: don’t ever let Ashton Kutcher bust raw nuts up in you. E! News says that growing inside of Mila Kunis’ womb is the spawn of Ashton Kutcher who will most likely inherit the dysfunctional gene that causes one to want to wear trucker caps. Expect the second coming of Von Dutch when Ashton’s spawn turns 15. There’s been rumors that Mila has two fetuses growing in her, but E! says that there’s only one Little Kelso in there.

Kunis is pregnant with the couple’s first child, a source confirms exclusively to E! News just weeks after being first to report that the former That ’70s Show co-stars were planning to tie the knot.

The Ted star was even recently spotted attending a prenatal yoga class in Hollywood.

It feels like every damn trick in Hollywood just got a fetus in her womb and a ring on her finger. Everyone’s got a damn CASE OF THE BABIES!!!

I know that lately Mila Kunis has been looking like she’s got the pregnant swoles, but I really thought she would realize that tying herself to a living, breathing Summer’s Eve bottle for the rest of her life probably isn’t the best idea. But she did it. I know everyone’s saying that Demi Moore is going to throw herself into oncoming traffic once she finds out Mila’s knocked up, but I think she’s going to shrug, pop another molly and then throw her naked cougar body on a pile of barely legal boy toys.

Here’s Mila and Asshole Kutcher kissing on that gross ass kiss cam at the Pistons-Clippers game last night.

Mila is probably wondering what that weird rumbling in her stomach area is. Oh, it’s just her fetus dry heaving over Jackie kissing Kelso on the kiss cam at a basketball game. You and me both, fetus. You and me both.

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