Looking Like A Disco Ball Exploding In Slow Motion

March 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Your eyeballs are probably freaking out and jumping all over the place like you just gave yourself a Red Bull enema while freebasing speed. There’s nowhere safe for your eyes to land. You look up and you see Kim Kardashian’s rubber spatula face that looks like a cross between a melting horse Shrinky Dink and a plastic Mr. Hankey toy in a wig. You look down and you see Kim’s ribs breaking and her internal organs being smushed from that soda pop can tab mess. What am I saying? Bitch had her ribs and organs removed and replaced with stress ball jelly a long ass time ago.

While wearing a jacked-up outfit from The House of You Don’t Love Yourself, Kim and her latest face joined her fellow hos Khloe Kardashian¬†and the slow one at the opening of Dash in Miami tonight. THAT FACE. Her nose is getting as small as Pimp Mama Kris’ sense of dignity (hahaha, like PMK has any dignity) and she looks like a trout that just sucked off a Lemonhead. THAT OUTFIT. That outfit is honestly propaganda for anti-recycling, because all of that metal should be destroyed.

And that chainmail must be some seriously strong shit, because it’s somehow able to hold in Kim’s ego, delusions, narcissism and all those man-made materials in her body. That shit should be declared the strongest material in the world.

Pics: Splash

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