Jordan Catalano Thanks His “Future Ex-Wife” Lupita Nyong’o At The Independent Spirit Awards

March 2, 2014 / Posted by:


During his acceptance speech for winning Best Supporting Actor at the Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica, CA yesterday, ageless vampire Jared Leto fanned the flames of the rumor that his luscious, highlighted locks have brushed up against Lupita Nyongo’s nipples maybe once or twice. Lupita was on Ellen last week and when Ellen asked her about the rumor she joked that Miley Cyrus’ yeast infection tongue broke up their love. But Lupita didn’t deny her chocha is screaming for Jesus after bouncing on Jared’s “hurts like Satan” dick. Then yesterday, while wearing one of Rayanne Graff’s old outfits, Jared picked up his trophy and thanked all the ladies he’s been with and all the ladies who think they’ve been with him including his future ex-wife Lupita Nyong’o.

I was going to say that I just want to smoke Jared’s locks since he obviously inhales so much of the good shit that his hair is filled with 100% THC, but apparently he doesn’t drink or do any drugs. Bitch is just naturally stoned. I can’t wait for Jordan Catalono’s Oscar speech tonight. It’s going to be a roller coaster of foolery. He’s going to take us high, he’s going to take us low and he’s going to take us beyond high when he thanks Rickie Vasquez. But you know, he might not even make it to the stage, because Jennifer Aniston might crash the red carpet and scalp him, because he has the hair she’s been dreaming of her entire life.

As for Lupita and Jared boning full-time, I hope they aren’t. But only because if they are, Lupita will have to hang around Jared’s true soulmate Uncle Terry all the time. Hanging around Uncle Terry all the time will fuck with someone’s sanity (see: JaredLeto).

Here’s more of Jared and Lupita at the Spirit Awards yesterday. Lupita won! Click here for all the winners.

Pics:, Splash

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