Adam Sandler Ruins A Sweet Song With Drew Barrymore By Wearing Fugly Track Pants

February 27, 2014 / Posted by:

I once knew this girl who’s boyfriend proposed to her in a pair of old, loose off-white briefs after waking up from a nap. She said that even though she totally loved him and wanted to get married, it was hard accepting an engagement ring from a dude who looked like Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense. At the time I didn’t understand how gross that was (“It’s not like he proposed from the toilet while taking a dump, right?”) but now, thanks to seeing Adam Sandler profess his love to Drew Barrymore in a pair of old track pants, I do.

On Wednesday night, Adam Sandler reunited with his movie wife Drew Barrymore on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and sang a cute song about how they come together every 10 years to film a movie where they fall in love. Save for the pants (which I’ll get to later) this song gets 0% shade from me. Yes, Adam sucks at singing. Yes, Drew looks like she’s got a bad case of pregnancy farts and would rather be at home dipping a dill pickle into a tub of Americone Dream. Yes, Jimmy’s guitar playing is giving me flashbacks to Christian teen talent shows. But I will go to my grave hugging a VHS copy of The Wedding Singer, so yeah – I loved it.

Except for Adam’s pants. Call me Judy Prudy, but there’s something so unsettling about seeing a grown man wear loose pants in public, regardless of their varietal (sweat, track, pyjama, drawstring linen). It’s not right. I shouldn’t be subjected to the outline of your limp, lifeless dangle slithering around under the draped folds of a cotton-poly blend when you walk through the mall. I’m sure Adam Sandler was aware he was going on a talk show, so unless Jimmy Fallon sent a group of balaclava-wearing thugs to kidnap Adam from his home while he was cleaning the garage, and the kidnappers forgot to ask his wife for a pair of pants, there’s no reason for him to be wearing those elastic-waist abominations.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: Don't be racist or bigoted, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >