$850 Sweatshirts Will Have To Wait: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Current Obsession Is Destroying Vanity Fair

November 5, 2013 / Posted by:

If real life was Hairspray, Gwyneth Paltrow would be Velma Von Tussle, Vanity Fair would be Tracy Turnblad, Dlisted would be Corny Collins, and the rest of us would all be Link Larkin swooning over the framed picture of Vanity Fair on our night stand. Just like Velma spent every waking hour trying to get Tracy booted off The Corny Collins Show, Gwyneth is funnelling all her smug hatred into bringing down Vanity Fair. Today’s Question With an Obvious Answer is: Do we think Gwyneth was a bully in high school?

Radar reports that despite Vanity Fair’s latest issue lacking the expose, Gwyneth isn’t sleeping soundly just yet. A source claims:

“It’s still going to run and it could possibly break online in the next two-three weeks. Too many resources have been plowed into it and too many bridges have been brined for it to be killed. She wants the magazine’s reputation destroyed before they can even publish anything on her.”

Even though Gwyneth has publicly bragged about how few fucks she gives what people think of her, behind closed doors (very expensive doors on special hinges that you cannot afford) she’s up all night sending out mass emails begging her friends to destroy Vanity Fair’s reputation before the story is published. It’s reported that she’s convinced George Clooney to withdraw from the magazine’s Hollywood Issue cover, but others, like Julia Roberts (who is close with Vanity Fair’s editor-in-chief Graydon Carter), have not been so responsive.

“[Julia] is ignoring Gwyneth, has no problem with Graydon and is happily still committed to appear on the cover of that issue,” the source revealed, noting that the refusal to bend to Paltrow’s wishes “has probably ended any chance of a friendship between the two of them.”

Ouch. Sounds like Julia responded to Gwyneth’s email with an extra-strenght eye roll and the dealwithit.gif. In other news, did I just start hating Julia Roberts a little less? Julia just proved that no matter how deluded you are to think you could take down an entire magazine, there will always be somebody with a bit more power, laughing at you as they forward your emails to the trash bin.

And if you’re ever having a bad day, just imagine Gwyneth Paltrow at home shitting herself in a pair of $350 100-mile panties every time she refreshes the Vanity Fair homepage.

(Pic via Wenn)

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