Ben Affleck Is Not The One

March 4, 2013 / Posted by:

I’d like to think that a car driving by was blasting “One” from A Chorus Line and the music made Ben Affleck bust into his one-man kick line, but that’s not what’s happening here. After picking his 4-year-old daughter Seraphina up from school, Ben took her to the Brentwood County Mart and when they got there he found a bunch of paps waiting for him. Ben’s b-hole started to boil up when the paps got too close to his daughter and so he started kicking at those bitches the same way Jennifer Garner has to kick out his side whores when she finds them naked in the pool house.

A source type tells TMZ that Ben never touched the pap with his foot and only kicked out his leg to show the paps how far they need to keep away from his daughter. The source says that the paps keep getting bolder and bolder and it’s scaring Seraphina so much that it’s making her cry. So Ben brought out his mama bear martial arts skills by kicking at those hos.

Even though Ben claims that his foot never touched that pap, I’m sure that pap will still say that the gust of wind created by Ben’s flying foot made him fall to the ground, hit his head on a cement parking log and drop his $5,000 camera. The pap suffered a major concussion, his $5,000 camera is broken and he instantly developed a severe fear of flying legs. The pap will never be able to enjoy a Rockettes show again! He will sue for emotional and physical damages.

It must’ve been a slow day on the stroll if the paps are taking pictures of Ben Affleck. Who cares about Ben Affleck? The Oscars are over! There’s brighter stars on the stroll like Phoebe Price. You know what these celeb whores need to do when they don’t want to get their picture taken? They need to call up international supermodel Chicken Cutlets, because she’ll show up and distract the paps with her world-class posing skills while they do whatever it is you do at the Brentwood County Mart. PP will save them.

And since you don’t really care about looking at pictures of Ben Affleck, here’s also some pictures of PP being demure and graceful on the stroll a couple of weeks ago.

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