Oprah’s Got A Face Full Of Foreskins

An anti-circumcision group based in Vancouver plans to protest in front of Rogers Arena on Thursday, because Oprah will be there for whatever reason. Glen Callender (who looks like this), founder of the Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project, is mad at The Mighty O for using and whoring out a $150-a-jar face cream that’s got foreskins in it. Oprah has been using the cream for a million years and Glen says that it’s very hypocritical of her to speak out against female genital mutilation while she’s got  blended dick hoods smeared all over her mug. (Cut to Gayle King saying, “O, honey, please wash your face. I’m not going to sit on it when it smells like foreskins.“)

Glen tells The Owen Sound Times that Oprah would never put a clitoris on her face (insert gaylekingsmirking.gif here), so why is she putting foreskins on her face?

“Imagine how Oprah would respond if a skin cream for men went on the market that was made from parts of the genitalia of little girls. That would be an outrage and rightly so. I would like Oprah to come to her senses and realize that all children have a fundamental human right to keep all their genitalia and to decide for themselves if anything gets cut off.”

SkinMedica says that they don’t exactly rip the foreskin off of men and then throw that shit into a blender. They’re not Madonna. The makers of the dick scarf cream say “they use foreskin fibroblast — a piece of human skin used as a culture to grow other skin or cells.“

Okay, whatever, I just need to say that cream is a fraud! I’ve been rubbing foreskins on my face for years and I still get breakouts and it’s starting to look like a troupe of crows Riverdanced on my eyes.

And this explains why John Travolta and Oprah are best homegirls. Oprah probably likes it when John Travolta gives her face a tongue bath for three hours straight. Kinky ass Oprah.