Inhale Hard Before You Read Uma Thurman’s Daughter’s Name

October 18, 2012 / Posted by:

Uma Thurman and her piece Arpad Busson said “hi” to their daughter for the first time almost three months ago, but they’re barely releasing her name and I’m guessing it’s because they couldn’t agree on a name. So instead of agreeing on a name, they just gave her ALL the names. Before you read this child’s name, stretch your eyeballs, eat a Bear Naked bar for protein, tell your loved ones you love them in case you don’t make it back, make the sign of the holy cross, write a will and then inhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale. This is what Uma and Arpad named their daughter:

Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson

Does Uma think she’s Hispanic or some shit? Hispanics are known worldwide as being major name whores and now Uma is trying to beat them at their own game. That kid has the name of a Chekhov character or Russian royalty or a Brazilian footballer. THE HELL? When I read that name out loud, I feel like I’m cursing somebody or casting a spell. The thing is, Uma’s rep tells People that they’re just calling her Luna. They gave her all those damn names and they’re just calling her by four letters. Poor Luna. Homegirl is going to have to ask for extra paper when she’s filling out forms.

Luna should just fuck that name and go by Raaaft Bee.

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