These Two Broke Up

As you ice your fist after punching this truly punchable portrait of Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel has hiked up her parts and hit the ho stroll because the bitch is single. UsWeekly has confirmed that Jessica Biel has returned Justin Timberlake’s dick in a box for a final time. This is the opposite of surprising for two reasons: a) Justin Timberlake probably screeches like a hyena on helium singing in falsetto when he cums and a bitch can only take so much of that. b) Justin Timberlake is most likely getting in Mila’s Kunis. Anyway, here’s the joint statement that Jessica and Justin released together:

“Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake’s relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other.”

Hopefully, this means that Justin Timberlake will slip on his Canadian tuxedo and woo Brit Brit Spears back. They’re love is written in the stars on the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland. And I really hope that the Jessica Biel “lesbian” rumors go to the next level. Seriously, Jessica Biel and Michelle Rodriguez desperately need to get together in a totally non-lesbian way since they are both non-lesbians. They’d scissor until their pussy bones popped out of their sockets. Yup, MRod so needs to be Jessica’s rebound.