James Franco Is Always Fapping

September 7, 2010 / Posted by:

Wherever James Franco is right now, there’s a pretty damn good chance that his chonies are around his knees, his hand is hugging his peen and he’s jacking that shit FOR HIS LIFE. So if you’ve ever been lucky enough to shake hands with James Franco, you now know why he always feels so warm and tingly (lick your hand next time). Bitch is always making his peen barf as though it was his full-time job. Let your brain masturbate on that image for a while.

In Danny Boyle’s new movie “127 Hours”, James plays real-life mountaineer Aron Ralston who was forced to cut off his own arm after getting stuck under a boulder. While promoting the movie at the Telluride Film Festival in Colorado, James talked to the Hollywood Reporter and they asked him about the scene where Aron tickles his crotch rock while stuck under the rock. James said that Aron is a true gentleman so he never admitted or denied if that scene really happened. But James is not a true gentleman, so he answered the question (while massaging his wang, no doubt):

OK. You asked the question. [pause] I spend a fair amount of time alone, especially when I travel maybe to something like this or for work or whatever, but I’m in hotels a lot for a lot of my life. And I don’t mind it because I have a lot of stuff to do on my own. I have a lot of reading to do for school or whatever. [pause, laughs] You asked! So, when I’m alone, I do masturbate a lot. I don’t know why. It’s like you have those days where it’s just like, I have a ton of writing to do, or a ton of reading to do, and you’re just like, OK, I’m going to be on the couch all day or in bed all day just doing that… I tend to have a four- or five-time day. [breaks out laughing] So, I probably would have if I was stuck under a rock.

You know James is just being modest. 4 to 5 times a day? Double that and there’s your truth. James has given me a real gift, because now every time I see a picture of him I’m going to assume he’s either finding a way to jack it (examples: hole in pocket or using a vibrating peen sleeve) or thinking about jacking it. Let’s try this:

Verdict: Jacking it (the bear knows)!

Verdict: Jacking it.

Verdict: Thinking about jacking it (and oh is he thinking about it).

Verdict: And here I was thinking that James was actually sleeping in that picture. Nope, jacking it. This is where the vibrating peen sleeve played an important role.

It’s like a whole new world has opened up! A world where James Franco is masturbating non-stop! This is what Princess Jasmine was really singing about.

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