Lindsay Lohan Almost Ran Over A BABY!!!!

September 3, 2010 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan almost added “BABY MURDERER” to her resume when she allegedly hit a toddler in a stroller with her Maserasti while terrorizing West Hollywood yesterday afternoon. Radar has a super grainy video of a baby in sunglasses crying her life out while being pushed by her nanny. The video doesn’t show LiLo’s Maserati actually making contact with the baby, but a paparazzo at the scene says it happened so it must be so! Throw the crackie in the clink along with the NOT RIGHT bitch who stamped “reinstated” on her drivers license.

Brayan Jaime, the pap who witnessed all of this, tells Radar, “There was a woman pushing a kid in the stroller, maybe a two or three-year-old, crossing the street. Lindsay took the red light and hit the stroller. It wasn’t super hard, but she made impact and hit them. Lindsay pulled to the right, stopped for two seconds, and then just kept going. I’m 100 per cent sure Lindsay was driving because I saw her with my own eyes. She was just driving like crazy once I started following her. She was trying to lose me, blowing stop signs and stuff. Lindsay was scared because she knew I saw what she did.”

Another witness says that LiLo was pulling out of her apartment building when she made a left turn right into the baby’s stroller. The witness said she barely tapped the stroller, so she might not have known what she did.

TMZ asked Brayan why the kid’s nanny didn’t look that worried afterwards and he said, “She was in shock and Hispanic so she was scared.”

This is true. I’m half Hispanic so I’m always half scared. Always half scared that la migra is going to deport half of me. This is why I piss out half of my bladder whenever I see a cop.

LiLo had this to say about the whole mess: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Oh, yeah, LiLo knows exactly what happened. White Oprah is having afternoon Bloody Marys with her lawyers right now to discuss suing that baby! That baby is the one who hit LiLo’s leased Maserati with her stroller. That baby’s stroller scratched LiLo’s Maserati. That baby and her fancy sunglasses are to blame! Baby better wait by her Fisher Price Blackberry, because White Oprah’s lawyers will be calling. When White Oprah is done with that baby, she won’t have a diaper to shit in!

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96 responses to “Lindsay Lohan Almost Ran Over A BABY!!!!”

  1. SugarFreeRedBull says:

    GrlBhvingBadly is that ESTELLE on your Avvie? I LOVE that face she is making…

    And yeah, still wtf-ing about the “scared hispanics.”

    Is it b/c lots of us are quivering Catholics?

    Scared of la migra? CORREN!!!

    (oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)
    What’s funner than fun? FUNDIO!!!!!

  2. beakers bitch says:

    Submitted by London Bridge on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 1:48pm.
    Well I’m part Hispanic and I would have beat the crackhora out of her

    “It is better to have loved and lost dick than to have never had dick at all.”
    ==Dick Solomon
    Third Rock From the Sun

    LOL, I love your siggy. That show was hilarious. How does she have money to lease a Maserati? Wasn’t some porn honcho leasing a Maserati for her a few years ago?

  3. SpiceDong says:

    does this crackwhore even have a driver’s license or she is just driving without it? and how in hell can she afford to have such car? i thought she had snorted all her dough already and could barely lease a Kia.

    ————————————————-
    “A man has so much more to offer…you know what I mean?” – Blanche Devereaux
    ·…¸>< ((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.>< ((((º> .·´¯`·..·>< ((((º>

    ·…¸>< ((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.>< ((((º> .·´¯`·..·>< ((((º>

  4. RichBitch says:

    Dear Lindsay, do a James Dean okay?

  5. chefcammi says:

    POLICE REPORT, PLEASE!!

    of course, there isnt going to be one.. this bitch gets off more than Travolta at a bath house!!

    ~<3~<3~~<3~<3~~<3~<3~~<3~<3~~<3~<3~~<3~<3~~<3~
    “Oh, mama
    I wanna go surfing
    Oh, mama
    I don’t care about nothing”

  6. parkerj says:

    Is this the same Maserati that the porn director gave her, and then she tried to sell it on ebay for $150K?

    http://www.autoevolution.com/news/lindsay-lohans-maserati-for-sale-on-ebay-7364.html

  7. LaChaylo says:

    My mom’s all Hispanic and a nanny, and she would have beat BloHan’s ass with her chankla or belt, whatever she could get to first.

    EDIT: She’d beat her so hard, White Oprah could feel it in her numb ass giant nostrils.

  8. Ang says:

    Submitted by mike on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 1:42pm.
    She drives a fucking Maserati?

    =================================
    exactly what I was going to say

  9. Fucking_Classy says:

    This needs the “your lips scare me” tag. WTF is wrong with having thin lips? Greta Garbo had them, and she was gorgeous.

    And yeah, she totally hit the stroller and is a shitty driver.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    It ain’t the parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. – Mark Twain.

  10. ISprainedMyUvula says:

    Submitted by mike on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 1:42pm.
    She drives a fucking Maserati?

    ****

    And shitbutt poorly to fucking boot.

    *shakes head*

    I’m sure the truth is halfway between. But either way, she’s a fucking menance behind the wheel. Anybody with half a goddamned BRAIN would steer far clear of a stroller or STOP until it was a safe distance away. I was driving with a friend last night and saw an older woman with two toddlers near the road and knew with the way the kids were running around that one of them could easily bolt into the street. So, being a RESPONSIBLE FUCKING MOTORIST, I stopped and sure enough, one of the kids ran right out. Not surprised that a self-absorbed twat such as Lindsay wouldn’t bother to look out for the well being of anybody around her, not even a baby.

    **************************************

    I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. – boobxqueen on Octomom’s Star cover

  11. Ang says:

    Again, for the 900th time: WHY DON’T THESE BRAINDEAD CELEBUTARDS HAVE DRIVERS???

  12. Nanners says:

    Submitted by RichBitch on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 1:57pm.
    Dear Lindsay, do a James Dean okay?
    ——————–

    Linds doesn’t have the sense to die young and beautiful. Then she could be the tragic hollywood princess. Instead she’ll lurch from disaster to disaster until she’s 90.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    MK, I love you like a fat kid loves cake – MissJaneTexas

  13. SugarFreeRedBull says:

    Submitted by chefcammi on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 1:58pm.
    POLICE REPORT, PLEASE!! of course, there isnt going to be one.. this bitch gets off more than Travolta at a bath house!!
    ———————–
    HispanicSugarFreeRedBull laughs like THIS: JAJAJAJAJAJJAAJ!

    funny funny funny!

    (oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)
    What’s funner than fun? FUNDIO!!!!!

  14. caprica six says:

    Fk, MK,

    That writeup was a crackup ESPECIALLY the last three paragraphs: “half Hispanic so I’m always half scared”, “..I don’t know what you’re talking about” (bwaaa), “baby better wait by her fisher price bb..” LMFAO

    K, for serious, Lindsey, IF you did that shit, that shit was foul. Your soul is trash; hope you crash for nicking that baby’s stroller and NOT STOPPING to at least check on them. Real noble of you, cunt.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    May the Force (of a hundred booger flicks) be with you.

  15. Madam Pince says:

    “Fisher Price Blackberry”

    LMFAO!!!!!!!!! Priceless, MK!!!

    ***************************************

    “Heinous fuckery most foul, lad. Heinous fuckery most foul.” ~~Christopher Moore

  16. madam ex says:

    OOPPSSS sorry, double posted.

  17. madam ex says:

    LMAO so hard ready this, that you’re always scared for immigration, too fuckin funny MK, tooooooooooo funny!!!

    And LILO shouldnt even be out of jail let alone out of rehab yet and she already got her damn license back, AHHH the lovely US of A…and having the money to fix all the mistakes you’ve made. WELCOME TO AMERICA YALL!!

    Damn, a Maserati, this is a good country if you have dough.

  18. kokoskitten says:

    Now Paris is going to have to do something drastic to one up her…
    _____________________________
    and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn’t like a vacation…

  19. SugarFreeRedBull says:

    @kokoskitten:

    how much more drastic can she get? Maybe she can actually do something good and aim for Noah Cyrus next time?

    (oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)(oYo)(_(_)
    What’s funner than fun? FUNDIO!!!!!

  20. beakers bitch says:

    Submitted by parkerj on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 1:58pm.

    Haha, I didn’t know she was dumb enough to try to sell it on eBay. I found a link for it and the producer of such classics as “Butt Sluts” just lent her a Maserati out of the goodness of his heart. Surrrre.

    http://www.celebitchy.com/43897/lindsay_lohans_maserati_was_lent_to_her_by_adult_film_mogul/

  21. Pamela says:

    Submitted by RichBitch on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 1:57pm.

    Dear Lindsay, do a James Dean okay?
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    AHAHAHAHA I been laughing for 5 minutes about this!!!

    This fucking twatwaffle! There is no fucking doubt in my mind because she is so self-absorbed she wouldnt car about a toddler and if they were wearing fancy sunglasses! She had to go cruise Venice Beach and shes a STAR which means she takes priority over us lowly peons! We all should be cowering at her feet!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 – 7:03pm.
    Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 – 6:51pm

    damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

  22. christine the hoff says:

    WHY is she still fucking alowed to drive?
    This wad of fuck obviously can’t control herself, a car, her pussy, her family, her career, why doesn’t she just give it up already?

    ————————————————-
    Never wear anything that panics the cat.
    P. J. O’Rourke

  23. Pamela says:

    As fucking usual people are DEFENDING this broad on TMZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG I swear all the profiles are WO you should see the responses!

    http://www.tmz.com/2010/09/03/lindsay-lohan-car-accident-baby-stroller-hit-and-run-paparazzi/

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 – 7:03pm.
    Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 – 6:51pm

    damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!

  24. M.E. says:

    Doesn’t LA have camera’s at every fucking traffic light? Where’s the photo of her running the red light?

  25. caprica six says:

    Submitted by Pamela on Fri, 09/03/2010 – 2:22pm.

    As fucking usual people are DEFENDING this broad on TMZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG I swear all the profiles are WO you should see the responses!
    _______________________________

    MY GOD. Where is Lindsey and her Maserati when TMZ people are crossing streets? WHERE?!!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    May the Force (of a hundred booger flicks) be with you.

  26. mztee says:

    I laughed soooooooooo hard at this article. I say make this article written by MK the HOT SLUT OF THE DAY!

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