White Oprah Brings The Delusion In Heavy Doses To Today

A stumbling tornado of delusion, denial, back alley Botox and fried split ends crashed onto Today this morning when White Oprah sat down for an interview with Matt Lauer. It’s pretty fitting that this bumbling mess of an interview aired on Friday the 13th, because this was a horrific disaster. If Freddy Krueger is ever trying to adopt a child, he can just show the agency this interview and say, “Well, I’ll probably do better than this.” SOLD! Give him any kid he wants!

White Oprah once again confirmed that Lindsay, Ali and the other ones never stood a chance. I bet that when the baby doctor smacked them in the ass right after they were born, every one of them screamed out the same thing: “I’M FUCKED!” The plastic trash can I watched get run over by a van last night would have done a better job in raising those kids.

The interview was just painful. Matt could have gotten a straighter answer out of the orchid sitting on the table next to Enabler the Awful. Matt ain’t shit either, because I kept waiting for him to shake the coke out of White Oprah’s ears so she could clearly hear all his questions. White Oprah just kept rattling on about how the judge in her daughter’s case was fired for being unfair and how everything the media puts out is just propaganda. PROPAGANDA! Bitch is full of poopaganda (GONG me if you must).

Matt needed to bring out a plastic bag full of delicious pills and tell White Oprah that for every coherent and straight answer she spits out, he’ll give her a treat. That would’ve made her tonsils wag. That’s a good White Oprah!

Here’s a few of the highlights (emphasis on HIGH) if it’s too early for you to deal with this mess in video form:

WO on how LiLo is doing: “She’s been through a lot. The judge played hardball. Lindsay was in with alleged murderers and she’s become friends with a lot of them. Lindsay rolled with the punches and she’s doing wonderfully.”

WO on people saying her daughter is a wreck who deserves to be in jail: “I think that’s all propaganda and what people are reading. As you know, you’re in the business of entertainment, so I think a lot of it is pre-orchestrated and you’re reading things that are not based on fact.”

WO on how she’s an idiot mom: “As a parent, you have to let her go a little bit. When she went out to Los Angeles when she was 19, I had to let her go and let her live and fall and fail and survive. Without failure, there’s no success. I was there in close proximity, but you can’t make your child not go out and go to a club and not get behind the wheel of a car. I certainly don’t condone any of that behavior.”

White Oprah also said that LiLo will be released from rehab early and is planning to move to NYC afterwards. One of the most hilarious parts of this tragic display of denial is when White Oprah said she was in show business long before her kids were, and they keep telling her to get back into it. I agree! As much as White Oprah makes me want to punch a naranja, she really knows how to bring the crack-infused mess.