The Exact Moment When A Young Boy Learns What Natural Beauty Really Is

In 20 years when this boy is standing at the altar getting ready to marry a half melted dildo with hair like a scarecrow’s nut bush, lips like the swollen anus of a power bottom gorilla and breasts that look like two basketballs made out of salmon jerky, he’ll think fondly of the moment he gazed upon the Empress of Lucite and vowed to make a beauty like her his wife one day.

And also in 20 years, I’ll be pouring Ensure and blended Mother’s Circus Animal Cookies into my feeding tube while a nurse reads me the previous sentence from a book titled: THE WORST SENTENCES EVER WRITTEN IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING. Memories.

Here’s Shauna Sand and one of her lucite courtesans, fellow porn star Taylor Wayne, charming a young boy in South Beach yesterday afternoon. This is just like that scene in 8 1/2 where the young Italian boy learns about love from the local beach whore. But instead of local beach whores, the young boy above is learning about love and beauty from the modern day versions of Venus and Aphrodite.

Warning: There’s a few bare nipples in the pictures below, so don’t be surprised if you suddenly get a craving for grilled pepperonis and goat milk.