Born To Run…..Behind A Nice Ass

Last year, the husband of a New Jersey housewife went around telling everyone that his marriage was flushed down a rest stop toilet off the turnpike after his wife allegedly creeped out on him with Bruce Springsteen. The Boss and his wife Patti both denied the rumors at the time. But now the husband is coming harder by giving specific details about the affair. Apparently, The Boss has a hongray hard-on for nice asses.

Mortgage broker Arthur Kelly filed for divorce from his wife of 17 years Ann on March 27th. In the documents, Arthur claims that his wife first met Bruce at a NJ gym in 2005. Bruce loved to stand on top of a stack of phone books (bitch is tiny) at the end of the treadmill and watch Ann as she ran. Bruce buttered Ann up by telling her that she had the “nicest ass” in the gym. Cut to a dozen bitches weeping into their sweat towels, because Bruce also told them they had the nicest ass in the gym.

The documents go on to claim that ass talk at the treadmill led to lunches, which eventually led to a 2-year affair. Ann would sometimes bring her daughters to lunch and they got to know The Boss so well that they called him “Bruce.” I guess “Mom’s Whore” was already taken by another dude.

Arthur says that his wife’s relationship with The Boss was even brought up during marriage counseling. Ann finally admitted that shit wasn’t right when one of Arthur’s friends spotted her kissing on The Boss in a parking lot.

Bruce’s rep kept their lips closed about these allegations, but a family friend told The New York Post, “Bruce and Patti continue to have a terrific marriage and are very devoted to each other and their children.”

Arthur Kelly ain’t shit! Not only did he not give up any real proof (aka a dirty tampon found in the parking lot of a Perkin’s or hundreds of sext messages), but because of his bit of information that The Boss loves The Ass I just had to Google “The ButtMaster.”

That little Google adventure took me to (NSFW) a place that I do not want to go to this early in the day. The ButtMaster’s long-grain nipples will tickle my eyelashes in my nightmares tonight. And don’t get me started on The Milk Massage. I can’t. I won’t. And neither will you.