No, Sweetie Darling, No!

As some of you know, Fox is going to fuck with the legendary TV experience that is Absoultely Fabulous. Why, you ask? Because that’s what we do in America. We take TV shows from other countries and try to find ways to get them canceled in record time. Although, Kath & Kim is still breathing and I’m not sure why. I’ll have to ask Satan that during our weekly conference call.

Variety says Kristen Johnston is in talks to play Edina Monsoon in the pilot. Kristen was at a table read with Fox HBICs last Friday. Kathryn Hahn was also in the table read, but it’s not known what role she helped butcher. I’m guessing Patsy?

You know who should play Edina and Patsy? Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley! And only them! Kristen Johnston is fine, but she’s looking a little like a Manhattan tortured wife who eats pill instead of food. Well, maybe she will work then? NO! She won’t. Nobody will. Okay, Rojo Caliente and Phoebe Price would, but they would never agree to murder such a beloved classic.

This is going to be like Absolutely Fabulous dipped in oatmeal with bits of broccoli sprinkled on top. Instead of doing mounds of coke, they are going to get really “zany” on too much Red Bull. Instead of trying to have an orgy and failing, they are going to be humiliated during a speed dating session. It’s going to be absolutely rated G.

I just want to tell the American version of AbFab to “take a holiday, darling. South of France.”