Category: Samantha Cole

True Love Just Stepped Out On The Ledge

December 8, 2012 / Posted by:

Today is a sad day, because it’s the day that I learned that CoCo and Ice-T’s love isn’t as rock solid as the silicone in her titty bags. Ice-T went to Twitter to pour out his feelings about some pictures of his beloved pearl CoCo kissing on some rapper. The SUPER DUPER MEGA WORLD EXCLUSIVE pictures from Media Take Out (via Necole Bitchie) show CoCo and Oakland rapper AP.9 posing like two high school seniors on prom night. Ice-T shook his head while tweeting (and deleting) this stream of woes:

Coco’s in Vegas. She has given me her explanation of the pics on the net from her first weeks out there with some dude. She said he knew someone in the crew from our show and would pop up where ever they would go. He also said he knew me.. I don’t know dude.

Regardless.. They would take Posed pics every time. Most of them disrespectful and in bad taste. She’s made me look.. And feel like sh-t.

I say this on Twitter because there’s no way to avoid the obvious misconduct of a married couple. That’s it. Any more questions ask @Cocosworld

Don’t get it twisted… I’m not happy about this sh-t.

Daily Game: Trust no one..

CoCo did respond and apologized for making Ice-T feel like Shit-T.

Woke up to people in a panic about some pics,please guys I’m happily married,sometimes fans & friends take silly pics.Its harmless. #RELAX

Ice is right,the pics I took with this man were in poor taste & I disrespected my husband however the pics were the only thing that happened

I feel so sad,the bottom line is I love Ice & I can understand why he’s upset theres no excuse for my actions.I’m so sorry baby & to evryonea

You’re probably thinking, “But for why are they airing out their dirty panties in public?!” Um, because Ice-T and CoCo are America’s first couple and we deserve an explanation for this! And because they have a reality show to sell. Even if this is just a shameless stunt to promote said reality show, I’m still frowning. I’m frowning, because how can CoCo pose with a rapper wearing a Gucci monogram hat? Does she not have any standards? Strangely enough, when I pout and frown, my quivering lips kind of look like CoCo’s camel toe when it’s about to stampede.

Oh, CoCo….

October 30, 2012 / Posted by:

Right before Hurricane Sandy, caused deaths, knocked out power to millions, ate homes, ruined lives, drowned the boardwalk in Atlantic City and flooded my favorite restaurant (I know, it’s always about ME), the exquisite lady T-Rex that is CoCo went on the terrace of her New Jersey apartment to show her Twitter followers the power of the storm (and nothing else, of course). You can tell that the winds are REALLY strong, because CoCo’s rock hard sand bag titties are slightly swaying in the weeeeeeeend. You can tell it’s really wet out there, because it’s precipitatating all over CoCo’s chichis (precipititties!). Oh, CoCo always manages to bring the demure elegance even in a natural disaster.

And to those of you who aren’t reading this because you’re too busy trying snort Sanka crystals since your power was turned off, I will eat a Breakfast in a Can in solidarity with you. And I will also curse Lindsay Lohan’s positive thoughts for getting so coked up that they didn’t make the trip to the East Coast. Like with everything, blame it on a Lohan. Stay safe!

The Definition Of Understated Elegance As Always

February 12, 2012 / Posted by:

Late last week, esteemed art professors from the world’s most prestigious universities updated their curriculum to include the only piece of “woman & child” art worth teaching: the precious portrait of a fully naked Auntie CoCo nearly suffocating her nephew with her luscious silicone chichis o’ plenty. And the star of that masterpiece graced Las Vegas with her exquisiteness at Pure in Las Vegas. Wearing a one-of-a-kind ho dress from Frederick’s of Hollywood’s couture collection, CoCo stood upright on the carpet despite the fact that the extra glazed honey-baked hams on her chest tried to take her down while the extra glazed honey-baked hams on her ass tried to take her the other way. CoCo doesn’t defy the laws of gravity, CoCo IS gravity.

CoCo redefines glamour with every glide of her sausage thighs and anybody that disagrees will be attacked in their sleep by a camel toe, but I do wish she took her look to new levels of class by wearing the butt cleavage dress. Maybe she saved that to wear to Sunday mass this morning. Probably.

CoCo Blesses The Ocean By Dipping Her Beauty In It

November 7, 2011 / Posted by:

As the coast guard put up ELEGANCE AHEAD warning signs all over the beach in Miami on Saturday afternoon, our patron saint of camel toes, CoCo, made the ocean ejaculate foam by butt fucking the waves (or maybe she’s giving herself the sexiest salt water enema ever?) in front of the paparazzi’s cameras. You don’t see it in these pictures, but a boat full of scientists arrived on the scene, caught CoCo and then tagged her, because sheer sophistication like this must be tracked at all times. It’s as if a Chinese farmer dug her up from the ground.

Al Gore needs to blow CoCo a thank you air kiss, because she just cured erosion by queerting (aka a fart queef) into the sand. CoCo will save the planet one pussy fart at a time.

All Hail Slutoween’s Forever Reigning Queen

October 31, 2011 / Posted by:

If the first lady of elegance, CoCo, really wanted to fuck some shock and awe into our brains, she would’ve dressed up as a fully-clothed Amish virgin for Halloween, but then Slutoween would’ve officially been canceled and every ho’s inner slut would have to stay inside. Because the one-night sluts of Slutoween can’t officially stuff their crotches into a Frederick’s of Hollywood costume until they hear the period blood-curdling cry from CoCo’s camel toe as it gets stranged with fishnets and a wad of Spandex.

The cry was heard at CoCo’s Halloween party in Las Vegas on Saturday night when she strut along the red carpet with thighs that looked like precooked Christmas hams busting out of their nets, and her suction cup nipples holding up a metal titty plate. You can say that CoCo went as a slutty hell minion with RiRi head and you’d be correct. You’d also be correct if you said that CoCo went as CoCo going to the grocery store.

And since we’re on the subject of Slutoween, I also threw in some pictures of superstar urinal Kim Kardashian making genitals itch and pores push out milky green pus at her Halloween party in NYC. At least she could blame it on her costume this time.

Demure. Perfect. Modest.

July 19, 2011 / Posted by:

Once your knees get off of the floor from bowing since your lessons at Gloria Starr finishing school taught you to kneel before royal objects of elegance, bask again in the beauty CoCo graced Miami Beach with this afternoon. This is what a Christmas ham dinner on the angels’ dinner table looks like in heaven. I bet she farts out pineapple rings.

Those of you in the Miami area might’ve wondered why it didn’t feel as humid as usual (just nod, lie to me, just nod), it’s because CoCo’s delicate derriere hole can suck the moisture out of a rock hard rock. And CoCo’s nalgitas a’plenty is the opposite of a rock hard rock, it’s like two moons wrapped in cashmere skin. Don’t you just want to throw a picnic blanket under it and feed your piece of the moment chocolate covered grapes and sips of cherry wine before tickling them in the nose with a red carnation? I was going to write “a red rose” instead of a “red carnation,” but then I saw that CoCo has roses on the thong that’s giving her butt a pap smear, and I didn’t want a Dirty Sanchez to dirty up that image.

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