The sexual prowess of Madonna’s latest youthful conquest, 31-year-old Portuguese model Kevin Sampaio, must be on point. Because Madge, 58, up and moved herself and the kids to Lisbon, Portugal! The official story is that she ended her last tour there and fell in love with the place. But it’s also possible that she envisioned an unending supply of gorgeous young Portuguese men to suck the youth and vitality out of in order to achieve her goal of immortality.
Supposedly, she’s moved there to
have hot-n-cold running Portugese peen on tap work on an album and a movie. At least that’s what Entertainment Weekly and Madonna’s Instagram are reporting. M threw up a couple of IG posts announcing the move and showing off her kitchen in Lisbon (and maybe her basket-weaving skills). Did someone suggest basket-weaving as a more therapeutic hobby than ruining ex-friends trying to sell off her panties?
“The energy of Portugal is so inspiring. I feel very creative and alive here and I look forward to working on my film LOVED and making New Music!!! This will be the next Chapter in My Book! It’s time to conquer the world from a different vantage point!!”
Loved will be Madonna’s first movie project since 2011’s W.E. (yes, that movie).
And then there’s the kitchen.
If I came down to that kitchen in the middle of the night due to sleep hunger, I might get nervous and mistake those hanging things for bats. What if a gentle Portuguese breeze wafts through a window and stirs them? I’m liable to scream and drop the leftover chorizo and kale soup on my feet!
As you can tell, the only things I know about Portugal are their awesome soup recipes and that one Basketball Wives episode where Tami Roman tried to throw her castmate over a balcony during brunch. So it’s nice to know that it has more going for it.