Nowadays whenever news about a celebrity’s divorce comes out, you gotta pull out a bottle of holy water-infused Febreze and prepare to spray, because usually some gross shit follows that news. It seems like most celebrities divorces have been getting beyond ugly and Lisa Marie Presley’s divorce is no exception.
Lisa Marie filed for divorce from her Tom-Petty-As-A-Tim-Burton-Villain-looking ass husband, Michael Lockwood, in June after 10 years of being married. Lisa Marie and Michael have twin 8-year-old daughters, Finley and Harper. Those daughters are now in the custody of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services after Lisa Marie told the authorities that she found disturbing things on Michael’s computer. It was way more disturbing than pictures of Michael in various busted hats. It was allegedly some Subway Jared-type shit. TMZ says that what was found was serious enough for Finley and Harper to be taken away.
The Daily Mail says that in court documents that were recently filed, Lisa Marie states that she found images and videos that made her “sick to her stomach.” Lisa Marie lived with Michael Jackson, so if the stuff on her husband’s computer was horrifying, then it really must’ve been horrifying. Lisa Marie called the Beverly Hills Police Department and they got a warrant to search the house. They found the images and videos and also confiscated 80 of Michael’s devices. Lisa Marie says in the court documents:
“My understanding is that Tennessee law enforcement is also conducting an investigation related to the photos and videos that I discovered. I have no idea what else may be on those devices and fear that there are more and worse images and evidence in these un-analyzed devices.”
The papers also claim that there’s pending allegations of “sexual abuse and neglect” against Michael Lockwood.
On top of all that, Lisa Marie claims that she is broker than a college student. She says that she’s blown through a $300 million fortune and owes $7.3 million to the IRS and is $655,000 in debt. She’s currently living with her daughter Riley Keough and Riley’s husband. Lisa Marie blames the hipster Arby’s logo on her money woes. She accuses Michael of stealing from her and not making payments on her estate in England. She still owes $5.4 million on that estate.
Lisa Marie says that she gets $100,000 a month from her father’s estate and gets a monthly $4,361 paycheck for being the creative director at Graceland. Besides the estate in England, her only other assets are $320,000 worth of jewelry, a $1.8 million life insurance policy and a $3,200 Vespa scooter. Owning an English estate and driving a Vespa is the opposite of L.A. rich. Because many in L.A. drive a $150,000 BMW, but live in a studio apartment with two roommates in Carson.
Lisa Marie’s money situation is relevant, because Michael, who is a musician, wants $40,000 a month in spousal support and $100,000 toward his legal fees. Michael previously claimed that Lisa Marie is playing poor to get out of paying him.
There was a lot to unpack in this story and after I read it, I asked myself, “I should’ve left it packed.” And if this story is true and Lisa Marie really is broke and dealing with a disgusting pedo husband, then expect David Miscavige to tell his brainwashed followers that this is what happens when you leave Scientology. Speaking of, I’m sure that the liquid gold that David Miscavige bathes in every night has a lot to do with why Lisa Marie is broke.
And since I need a palate cleanser, here’s the couple of my dreams that never was, Tom Jones and the natural blossom of Graceland, Priscilla Presley at Craig’s in L.A. last month.