BREAKING NEWS: Amelia Earhart Probably Died On A Deserted Island

November 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Amelia Earhart’s plane crashed in 1937 and ever since then, humanity has spent a lot of time and money on trying to find out exactly how and when her soul flew up into the afterworld. As many of us were told by our history teachers while we thought about what we were going to have for lunch, it has long been believed that Amelia Earhart died when her plane crashed into the Pacific Ocean. But now a team of researchers (led by Detective Courtney Love, I’m sure) have reason to believe that Amelia survived the plane crash and died later on a deserted island. Great, now an executive from ABC is going to call J.J. Abrams and say that it’s been 6 years since Lost ended and that’s plenty of time to reboot it as Lost: Amelia Earhart’s Final Days.

CNN says that The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery (TIGHAR) thinks that a skeleton of a castaway that was found on the island of Nikumaroro, Kiribati, in 1940 may belong to Amelia Earhart. Back in the olden days, British authorities thought that the skeleton belonged to a dude. In 1998, TIGHAR got a hold of the original files and asked forensic anthropologists to take a look at the measurements of the skeleton. They discovered that the skeleton probably belong to a woman. They looked at old pictures of Amelia and compared them to the measurements of the skeleton. They came to the conclusion that the forearms of the skeleton were exactly the same size as Amelia’s forearms. They only have the measurements of the skeleton to go by since the skeleton itself is long gone.

The researchers at TIGHAR also say they found evidence that Amelia made more than 100 radio transmissions from July 2 to July 6. Amelia’s plane crashed on July 2. They think that Amelia lived on that deserted island for at least a few weeks.

“We found records of bonfires being lit in the area where the bones were found. Based on the fish bones and bird bones found in the area, Earhart survived weeks, maybe even months, in that island. We believe she survived heroically, and alone, for a period of time, in terrible circumstances. History needs to tell her story right.”

So either Amelia tragically died in a plane crash, or she tragically died on a deserted island. Or maybe, aliens abducted her, took her to their home planet and worshipped her as their eternal queen until she decided to come back to earth as Hollywood star Tilda Swinton! That’s what the research (that I pulled out of my ass) shows.

And I’m going to choose to believe that by saying, “History needs to tell her story right,” they were throwing some shade at that awful Amelia Earhart movie starring Hilary Swank.


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