Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 26, 2016 / Posted by:

S’mores Crunch cereal!

Cereal sales are reportedly falling every year and those lazy millennials are to blame! Us children of the 80s did our part to keep the cereal industry alive and well. We ate so much damn cereal that many of us are still shitting out chemical marshmallows that took decades to digest. We are so much damn cereal that the cereal companies couldn’t keep up and even though a new cereal came out every 15 seconds, it still wasn’t enough. However, the golden era of cereal has long been over and it’s because the young tricks of today don’t get it. The New York Times published a survey that found that 40% of millennials can’t with cereal because they are lazy!

Many millennials apparently like to stuff already-made smoothies and breakfast sandwiches into their lazy mouth holes in the morning because it’s easier. They’re confused by cereal  and they don’t want to strain their bodies while doing extremely hard labor like washing the bowl in the sink afterward. Cereal clean-up is just too much for their delicate asses. Bitch, get paper bowls! Bitch, get those single-serving cereal things at Costco! Bitch, keep cereal alive! While some experts believe that cereal is dead to da grave (copyright: Funky Dineva), Kellogg’s, of course, believes that cereal will soon make a triumphant return. As smoothies and breakfast sandwiches get all the attention on the dance floor, dusty cereal is sipping a Long Island Iced Tea on the sidelines while saying to itself, “Fuck those young tramps. You still got it. Yeah, you do.

All this talk about cereal has got me thinking about cereal (imagine that). Specifically, cereal from the 80s. One of the best ones that my mom never bought me was S’mores Crunch! It was s’mores in a bowl. It was like Golden Grahams but was dressed up with deliciousness like sugary Styrofoam thimbles (aka their version of marshmallows) and chocolate. General Mills put it out in 1982 and it was discontinued for good in the late 90s. It was a dream.

Kellogg’s apparently makes Smorz cereal, but I’ve never seen it at my grocery store. So whenever I want s’mores for breakfast, I have to break graham crackers into a bowl and add marshmallows and bits of chocolate by myself. See, millennials, I work for my breakfast! I better stop before I launch into a re-worked version of Miss Sofia’s “All my life…” monologue.

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