Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 3, 2015 / Posted by:

Toto, the sweet Dachshund who is so whipped and so in love with another Dachshund that he used his little legs to run miles to be with her!

The Italian site Metropolisweb (via TheLocal.it and Yahoo! UK) brings us the love story of our time. Toto the Dachshund met Lilly the Dachshund when he and his human were on vacation in her hometown of Casola in Naples. Toto and Lilly got close after their humans became friends. The story goes that Toto and Lilly “clapped eyes on each other” and it was “love at first sight.” At first I didn’t know what the hell that meant. I thought that only dogs in cartoons do that. But then I remembered how red hearts pop up in my dog’s eyes whenever he sees steak. So I guess it looked something like that.

Toto and Lilly barely ever left each other’s side during their summer of love in Naples. After their holiday ended, Toto and his human went back to their home in Scafati, Salerno, about 6 miles away from Casola. The article dramatically says that when Toto got back home, sadness filled his eyes because he was without his love Lilly. Toto did nothing but cry out sad tears, listen to Adele, stalk Lilly on Facebook and cry out more sad tears. And then Toto went messing from his house.

Toto’s human looked everywhere for him and was about to give up when they got a call from Lilly’s humans in Naples. Toto showed up at their house. Toto drove all night ran all day to get to his love Lilly. Lilly’s humans say that they found Toto barking outside of their house. Toto IS Lloyd from Say Anything… but is a million times more adorable and a million times less smug. Metropolisweb believes that Toto used the undying love in his heart for Lilly and his sense of smell to track down his soulmate. There’s no love like Wiener love! Toto and Lilly reunited and their humans have vowed to keep them together as much as possible. The end!

You know, since the crust that covers my half-melted, pissed-on snowball of a heart is made of equal parts cynicism and bitterness, I looked at this story like, “Bitch, you know Disney made this up and planted it in the media so that in a few years they can say that their new animated feature ‘Toto The Love Dog’ is based on true events.” But I want to believe. I hope their beautiful union lasts forever and I hope they get their own reality show so we can all witness their love grow. ….And in wishing for them to get a reality show, I just wished for them to break up and trash each other through TMZ. Shit, I really don’t believe in true love.

Pic: Metropolisweb

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