Unless you’re a sucio freak who’s really into seeing Miley Cyrus with a mouthful of unicorn jizz, this is Dlisted’s first Panty Creamer of the week and some of us needed this after the messiness our eyes were exposed to during last night’s MTV VMAs. Ryan Phillippe took his 40-year-old nipples for a jog in Beverly Hills the other day and I’m mad that the paparazzo didn’t also record video. Because Ryan Phillippe’s bulge in motion would be to me what laser pointers are to cats.
And Ryan Phillippe is 40 and still looks like this. Either there’s a painting of his old face in an attic somewhere or he keeps his nips youthful-looking by drinking the blood of virgins directly from the tap. You know a bunch of thirsty, hard-up whores are going to stand around outside of Ryan’s house while wearing a white cotton nightgown and the mark of a virgin. (And yes, I typed that in between shopping on the Internet for a white cotton nightgown and Crocs, which are the true mark of virgins and born again virgins.)