Before we get into the latest stupid, dumb shit done by the pus-filled wart clinging to the Jersey Shore’s right ass lip, I have a very important question to ask. Is it just me or does that lady in the black’s right arm look like a big, cut dick thanks to her bra strap falling? I soooo would.
Juicy Joe from The Real Grifters Of New Jersey better save the top bunk in his cell for a fellow reality show skid mark, because The Situation has been indicted on two counts of filing false returns and one count of conspiracy. We already knew this, but The Situation has the brains of a broken duck phone, because he allegedly filed false tax returns from 2010-2012. The IRS says he pulled in $8.9 million during those years. NJ.com says that The Situation and his brother Marc (not the one he beat up in the family tanning salon) are accused of failing to pay taxes on money made by two companies they own. The prolapsed urethra and his brother allegedly fixed their returns to make it look like they didn’t owe the IRS any more money and they wrote off fancy cars and clothes as business expenses. The Situation didn’t file a return in 2011 and he apparently made $1.95 million that year. The U.S. Attorney in NJ released this statement:
“Michael and Marc Sorrentino filed false tax returns that incorrectly reported millions made from promotions and appearances. The brothers allegedly also claimed costly clothes and cars as business expenses and funneled company money into personal accounts. The law is absolutely clear: telling the truth to the IRS is not optional.”
The Shituation and his brother turned themselves in to authorities this afternoon and were released on $250,000 bail. His lawyers claim they’re not guilty. They will be arraigned on October 6th. If prosecutors go for the maximum punishment and he’s convicted, The Situation could get up to ten years in the chokey and get hit with $850,000 in fines. I was going to ask what the prison equivalent of GTL is, but I’m pretty sure it’s still GTL since every New Jersey prison cell is equipped with a tanning bed.
Besides the obvious, two other heinous crimes have been committed here:
1. That AXE-scented ass burp made $8.9 million in three years!
2. The year is 2014 and I’m writing about The Situation. Indict me for that shit.
Here’s The Situation leaving the federal court house in Newark today, if you care: