Tom Hiddleston Got A Job In The Next King Kong Movie

September 17, 2014 / Posted by:

A million crazy fanboys and girls are like “I would do anythang to be that monkey.” Are they called Hiddle-stans? They should be.

According to Deadline, hunky British imp Tom Hiddleston has been cast as the star of the upcoming King King reboot/remake/prequel/sequel/whatever the hell they’re calling it Skull Island. I’m sure you’re thinking “Didn’t I just watch a King Kong reboot?“, and yes, you did. In case your brain has permanently erased the last King Kong reboot from your memory (I don’t blame it, that shit was looooooong), King Kong happened in 2005, was directed by Peter Jackson, starred the hot busted-nosed pimp Adrien Brody, and it took place on both Skull Island (King Kong’s home base) and Asshole Island (aka Manhattan). But this King Kong remake will be totally different, I promise! Skull Island takes place ONLY on Skull Island. See? TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

Also it’s being directed by¬†Jordan Vogt-Roberts, who sort of looks like the skinny hipster version of Peter Jackson, and stars the Internet’s side-piece Tom Hiddleston. Again, this is a very different movie, because Adrien’s nose looks like it’s been broken 4,287 times, and Tom’s nose looks like it’s only been broken once.

Skull Island comes out on November 4th 2016 – yes, MORE THAN TWO YEARS FROM NOW. I guess they want to get the Hiddle-stans all fired up long before then. Not cool, guys! You know how King Kong goes totally mental when they take him from Skull Island to New York? That will be the internet sometime around December 2015! You can’t make the Hiddle-stans wait so long! For the sake of the producers, I hope another Avengers movie comes out between now and Skull Island, otherwise the Hiddle-stans will form a rat-king and climb to the top of the Empire State Building clutching Jordan Vogt-Roberts and demanding he work faster, goddamn it! The Hiddle-stans don’t play.

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