If you successfully made it into the second hour of the Emmys last night without falling into a sleep coma or throwing on the Food network to watch something more interesting, like a rerun of Chopped, then you saw Sofia Vergara assist the Television Arts and Sciences President Bruce Rosenblum as he gave a speech on their commitment to diversity in television by serving up FACE! BOOBS! ASS! on a rotating platform and spinning like a car at an auto show. The speech ended with a joke about “always giving the viewers something compelling to look at” as Sofia worked the kind of pageant smile that says “This shit better win me Outstanding Supporting Actress next year.” In general, it felt like the sort of thing my friend’s horny grandpa who always says “Ha-cha-cha!” would have loved, or the type of guys who ask “Do you come with the car?” at car shows. It was dated as hell, but everyone sort of shrugged their shoulders and moved on.
Except for the internet! The internet lost it’s damn mind over watching Sofia spin like a sexy chicken shawarma and started calling out the Emmys for being sexist, and Sofia for agreeing to do such a sexist stunt, and the rotating platform for participating thus making it an accessory to sexism, and Sofia’s dress for not instantly turning into a muumuu and protesting such sexism.
But was it sexist? Yeah kind of, but it doesn’t matter what I think, because EW says that Sofia says it absolutely was NOT, and she knows exactly who’s responsible for this whole spinning Sofia sexism bullshit:
“I think its absolutely the opposite. It means that somebody can be hot and also be funny and make fun of herself. I think it’s ridiculous that somebody started this—I know who she was—who has no sense of humor [and should] lighten up a little bit.”
You know I love when a bitch calls another bitch out, but you have to take accountability and name names, Sofia! Who is this humorless slag who can’t take a sexy spinning joke? I’d love it if she was talking about the actual Emmy award. “Her nose, so high in the air, like she’s better than everyone else. She’s just jealous that they let me spin instead of her! She’s not even solid gold! She’s just gold-plated. Kay Jewelers would NEVER!”
I think if the Emmys were going to put Sofia on a spinning platform, they should have also thrown a hot piece with a penis out there with her. There should be equal-opportunity ogling. Personally, I would have liked to have seen Joe Manganiello spinning beside Sofia (don’t act like their PR team didn’t try to pitch that), but I know that he was forced to stay home for being too hot for the Emmys. So maybe William H. Macy? I get the feeling that he could work that spinning pedestal like a pro.
And here’s Sofia in the event you want to see what she looked like not-spinning. How the hell does she manage to look like she’s slowly spinning while standing still? Shit, maybe that platform she was on wasn’t even actually rotating and Sofia just naturally spins in slow-motion all the time!