Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 24, 2014 / Posted by:

PANCAKE JESUS!

Jesus shows himself all sorts of ways. Sometimes he shows himself on a non-organic banana bought at Stater Bros. and sometimes he shows himself through Brit Brit’s personal food of ye gods. Sometimes he shows himself when I’m skimming through the channel guide and I see that the Hallmark Channel is showing 8 hours of back-to-back Golden Girls episodes. Other times he shows himself when I search “Bait Bus trucker episode” and the whole episode shows up. The whole episode! And on Good Friday in Norco, CA, the owner and a server at the Cowgirl Cafe thinks Jesus, or some other bearded person, showed himself or herself on a half-burnt pancake. When Jesus was crucified, he didn’t bleed blood, he bled Mrs. Butterworth’s maple syrup.

Karen Hendrickson, the owner of the Cowgirl Cafe, tells KCAL9 that the night before Good Friday, she prayed to God to look over her restaurant and the next morning he threw her an “I got you, bitch” wink by showing up on a pancake during breakfast service. One of Karen’s servers, Edgar, also saw the face of Jesus and went on to say, “To me, it’s impressive because it was on Good Friday, and I don’t really see that very often.” Edgar saying that he doesn’t see that “very often” makes me think that he’s seen that before, which makes me think that Pancake Jesus isn’t that special. Hay-Soos is always showing himself on cooked Bisquick batter. But Karen still thinks Pancake Jesus is a delicious gift from God and is keeping him safe in the freezer.

“Some people can see Jesus. Some people are saying it looks like Abraham Lincoln or a hillbilly. Some people are even saying it looks like Charles Manson.

He’s still on the same plate he was when he was put up on the window. I plan on keeping Jesus on this plate and preserving him so I can share him with everybody.”

Karen should really rename her restaurant “The Jesus Or Charles Manson Cafe.

I kind of see Charles Manson. But I mostly see Princess Bride Mandy Patinkin staring at a butterfly that landed on his finger. I also kind of see Frank Zappa smelling a fart.

If Judas shows his face on an Eggo waffle that’s been left in the toaster too long, we’ll know that Pancake Jesus is real. But if Squeaky Fromme shows her face in orange juice foam, well then….

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