It used to be an easy win if you pulled the Chaz Bono card in Pictionary; giant circle for the body, Theodore Seville for the face, maybe draw a crude caricature of Cher in the background licking her lips or flicking her hair off her shoulders with a speech bubble that says “I made that!”. But it looks like you’re shit out of luck now! It’s time to cue the Florence and the Machine and sing The Hog Days Are Over, because Chaz emerged this weekend at a farmer’s market in Beverly Hills and shocked everyone by looking like a slimmed-down healthy shell of his former self.
I don’t know how Chaz dropped the weight, so I’ll speculate that it was either diet and exercise, surgery, or going back and re-watching Nancy Grace on Dancing with the Stars (I literally couldn’t keep food down during that whole season). Remember Chaz, losing weight feels good, but don’t get addicted to that lightheaded feeling you get from compliments and celery; it’s not worth it if you turn into the Texas T-Rex and get all Dallas Buyer’s Club on us (no seriously, don’t – it’s fucking terrifying).
Chaz also cruised for oranges and heirloom tomatoes with a mystery lady. Ooooh, is it serious? Has she met Cher yet? No! That’s a trick question. She’s not walking around beaming with the light that comes from being in the presence of The Almighty, which means their relationship is in the beginner ‘just shopping for veggies’ stage and not the ‘come meet my mother and stare in awe at her glory’ stage.
Also, you may have noticed that I tagged this post Skinny Bones Jones and quizzically thought: “Skinny? Maybe those sideburns…” and I agree. However, when you lose enough weight to cause the scale to slide from REINFORCE THE FLOORING to I NO LONGER SWEAT BUTTER, that gets a skinny tag in my books.
(Pics via Splash)