David Tutera And His Ex Are Splitting Up Their Twins

David Tutera, the star of one of my favorite shows to hate watch My Fair Wedding, and his partner of 10 years Ryan Jurica threw down in a messy, trashy divorce battle a few months ago and as they were chocking each other’s throats, their unborn twins were growing in a surrogate’s womb. Ryan accused David of being a dick-obsessed dick addict (who isn’t?) who just couldn’t keep his mouth and other parts off of hooker dick. Dick is to David as crack is to Lamar Odom, basically. Since Ryan wasn’t working at the time, he asked for spousal support and the two were fighting for custody of their unborn chirrun. But they have stopped brawling for now and agreed that each one of them should take a twin. A baby for everyone!

The fraternal twins, a boy named Cedric and a girl named Cielo, were born on June 19th. David told People (via The Daily Mail) that Cielo, his biological daughter, is living with him and Cedric, Ryan’s biological son, is living with Ryan. TMZ says that Ryan and David each jizzed on an egg and the eggs were implanted into the surrogate at the same time. The eggs are from the same surrogate. David tells People that he hasn’t spoken to Ryan since their twins were born and he feels like he’s mourning the loss of Cedric, but he hopes that they can start talking again for the sake of their twins:

“It would be so unfair of me if I were to say Cielo can’t see her brother because of what happened between Ryan and me.”

Ryan told People that he agrees with David and wants Cielo and Cedric to be in each other’s lives.

Ryan and David’s custody arrangement is temporary, but it will be made permanent when they agree on a final settlement.

Yeah, I know Cielo and Cedric have different fathers, but a set still shouldn’t be broken up. Think of how shitty this world would be if Brenda Walsh and Brandon Walsh never grew up together. We wouldn’t have Sweet Valley High if Elizabeth and Jessica’s parents broke their asses up as babies. Well, the good news is that in 11 years, Cielo and Cedric will meet each other at summer camp, figure out they’re twins and HIJINKS will ensue when they try to bring their parents back together. The bad news is that they’re both going to look like Lindsay Lohan.