Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 17, 2013 / Posted by:

Danushka Lysek, the bitchy model turned private chef with the monotone voice from Food Network Star.

The ninth season (NINTH!) of Food Network Star started a few weeks ago and no, that shit isn’t the same without the Silver Fox of the Food Network Bob Tuschman on the judging panel. One of my friends said a while ago that Bob Tuschman gives him undercover leather daddy vibes. So every time I’d watch Food Network Star, I’d get a full-body tingle thinking about Bob wearing a leather harness and nipple clamps underneath his sensible and casual suit from Men’s Warehouse. So it’s not the same without him and the one of the only reasons I’m watching this season is for DANUSHKA!

Everybody hates Danushka. The audience hates her. The contestants hate her. Most people would rather give cunnilingus to a garbage disposal while getting butt boned by a hand blender than watch a Food Network show starring Danushka. Danushka pretty much made it clear from episode one that she’s the greatest at everything. She’s the greatest cook, the greatest model, the greatest presenter, the greatest human, the greatest gift to us all, blah blah blah… But must hos says that the only thing Danushka is the greatest at is killing nerves with her monotone voice.

Kristen Stewart has more layers of different emotions in her voice than Danushka does. ¬†Danushka’s voice is like a cross between a Russian schoolmarm and a permanently pissed off emo tween on downers. Here’s Danushka and her monotone voice not being impressed while talking shit about the other contestants. There’s spoilers in this clip if you care:

Her voice is like one long verbal eye-roll.

Another thing Danushka is the greatest at is not winning reality shows. Danushka was on Fear Factor Models Edition and she didn’t win. Danushka was on Charlie O’Connell’s season of The Bachelor and was cut during the first episode. And Danushka was on Chopped and didn’t win. I hope Danushka gets on another reality show, which she won’t win, so my ears can be reunited with her “don’t give a shit” voice.

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