Katt Williams Is Retiring From Stand-Up

December 4, 2012 / Posted by:

Because everybody is announcing their retirement today, Katt Williams took his final bow as a stand-up comic on the streets of Seattle last night. Katt’s retirement comes after his three-week tour of fuckery. During the past three weeks, Katt did all of the following:

– The evil spirit of a Bad Girls Club cast member got into Katt Williams when he broke a bottle over someone’s head at a club in Oakland, CA.

– Katt Williams took Sacramento police on the most anti-climactic three-wheeled motorcycle chase ever.

– Katt Williams slapped a Target employee and escaped on your nana’s shopping scooter.

– Katt Williams attacked three of his fans after a show in Seattle.

– Katt Williams got kicked out of a sports bar in Seattle and was arrested after a woman got hit in the face with a lit cigarette he threw into her car.

Katt told KOMO News last night that he’s done with telling jokes on stage and he might stay in Seattle for a little while. Katt is trying to buy an old state ferry for $301,000 and he plans to stay there with his family until he’s done suing the city of Seattle for $50 million. Katt said:

“If they will accept our bid… I will take me and my whole staff on that boat because I still have a court date four days from now and can’t leave and I’ve been kicked out of four hotels in two days and I’ve been arrested by three different sets of officers four different times detained by two sets of officers. I can stay there [on the ferry] and my family can be there and my dogs can be there and my whole staff can be there until we get done suing Seattle for this $50 million that I want for crippling my reputation as a father and a black man and as a taxpaying citizen and as a person who is not a convicted felon.

This was a place I like to bring my kids and let them do stuff without people caring who they were. I got arrested in front my kids three times in my three days stay in Seattle… And all we were doing was coming into town to sell jokes and police department painted me as some sort of public menace that came to town.

I’m just gonna go ahead and announce my retirement from standup, I’m kinda done. I’ve discussed it with my kids, I wasn’t gonna do in the middle of a Seattle street, I was going to go to Los Angeles and do it in the offices of ICM or LiveNation.”

Never mind that they’re a different race and gender, but Lindsay Lohan and Katt Williams have to be the same person. Read that statement again in Lindsay Lohan’s voice and it makes even more sense. Spoken like a true Lohan. Either LiLo and Katt Williams are the same person or they’re closely related. I won’t say I told you so when The National Enquirer writes about the secret affair White Oprah had with the late Gary Coleman many years ago.

Yes, Katt needs to be 5150’d, but wearing that hot Kurt Cobain t-shirt is the sanest thing he’s done in a while.

(Thanks, Cormac) 

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