Because of the way Twitter was blowing up last night over the Super Bowl of Suck that was Liz & Dick, I really thought it would be the highest rated basic cable event in the history of basic cable, but it wasn’t. 3.5 million pairs of eyeballs all rolled in unison while watching Lindsay Lohan play dress up in front of a green screen.
According to Deadline, 3.5 million isn’t a number White Oprah should brag about to her back alley pharmacists when she tries to buy illegal Adderall tonight. Liz & Dick wasn’t a total flop, but it wasn’t a hit either. 6.5 million people watched Lifetime’s Steel Magnolias remake and 5 million people watched Drew Peterson: Untouchable starring Rob Lowe. Lifetime is still bragging by saying Liz & Dick is the fourth biggest first-run cable movie of the year, because that is obviously something to brag about.
In related news, the Department of Health reported a record 3.5 million people were hospitalized for alcohol poisoning last night. It was also reported that there was a record low of births last night, because who in all that is good wants their baby born on the same day as the Liz & Dick premiere? But whatever, I’m sure Lifetime will greenlight a sequel called Liz & Larry and I’m sure Lindsay Lohan will play both Liz AND Larry. Eat it, haters.
(GIF via E!)