When A Doberman's "Gurl, Please" Eyes Say It All
If it wasn't for that People logo sitting in the corner, you'd probably think this picture was from a Playgirl magazine spread circa 1989 or a picture of Mr. July in Bel Ami's "Porn Bottoms of the Past" calendar. But no, this is one of People's Sexiest Men Alive, Ryan Lochte, just doing a little posing before taking his Doberman out for a sexy boat ride. The Photoshop in this one is ALIVE. I don't know if I should blame Ryan or Photoshop for that uneven self-tanner situation, those toddler bangs and the severe lack of bulge. Couldn't they use the Jon Hamm tool on Ryan's crotch area? It's not right that his Olympic ring tattoo has three dicks, but he looks like he has not a one.
But who needs a bulge when you've got a dog as a wingman? Ryan told People that his Olympic gold medals don't lure the ladies in, his dog does:
"He is a good wingman because he's a beautiful dog. Girls come up to me and go, 'Oh my god, where's Carter? He's so good looking!' He's my best friend and I love him. I just need to take him wherever I go and I'll be set."
I was going to say that it must be really weird for Carter watching Ryan strike an awkward pose like this, but that dog is probably used to it. Ryan sleeps like this and lies on the couch like this. You never know when a Playgirl photographer is going to bust through the door, so you should always be pose-ready.
If I could read dog minds through a still picture, I'd probably hear Carter say, "No, bitch, I'm not going to paint you like one of my French girls. Stop asking and stop doing that."
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"Use the John Hamm tool"
Brilliant!!!
Yes, he's a douche and way too young and dumber than a houseplant but that is a fantastic body so as a stone-cold sah-LUT I have to say YASSSS!
P.S. the doggie can watch
Um LMAO
Douchetastic! He seems the type who's pervy enough to try to include that dog in sexy times but quite literally retarded enough not to know better.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Fucking retarded! Jeah!
Would hit and ride till it breaks...no shame when it comes to tall dumb yet harmless jocks...
He shows bulge action when he wears white: http://fountainofrandomness.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/ryan-lochte-and-... http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8ah3vRFyH1r5q9hlo1_500.jpg
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Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
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>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥
"Olympic ring tattoo has three dicks" -- It does! It does! hahahahaha
Severe lack of bulge, not interested. Next. ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 11/15/2012 - 3:11pm.
It looks like he's trying to keep out the voices, but he's too dumb to remember where his ears are.
and ownership of the internet for today is awarded to... Hekki!!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Yaasssssssss!!!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Ugh, I just ate lunch & this pic made me throw up in my mouth a little. He's got Bieber syndrome...tiny dick, stupid haircut, & the vacant eyed look only the truly stupid can master.
It looks like he's trying to keep out the voices, but he's too dumb to remember where his ears are.
that Dog deserves the sexy title...Ryan seems so douchey....why doesn't People do a Sexiest Puppeh issue, I would much rather watch that since I think all people suck anyhow.
He's obviously been swimming in the "dumb as hell" gene pool for too long.
http://cdn.hahajk.com/uploads/2012/07/ryan-lochte.jpg
Wow look at this picture of Ryan Lochte! Hahahahahahaha
Not that I am a fan of this giant douche bag, but you gotta love a guy who loves his dog.
Sexy and stupid, just the way I like 'em! I would wear him out!
You know, I was really feeling Lochte pre/during the Olympics. He seemed relaxed, fun, easy on the eyes. Then I heard him speak for more than a sound bite and it was over.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 11/15/2012 - 1:30pm.
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Whambang, I think his fifteen minutes are just about expired. Who would ever think that Phelps would be considered articulate?
His brain-trust equal (the sister) must be his PR manager. Who else would think this photo shoot was a good idea? Pobrecito Carter is thinking "FML."
tolerancecompassionlove I don't know if it was the photographer or Lochte who came up with that pose....he looks silly. I don't think he'd be good in bed.
The people at People need their eyes checked. This is what passes for 'hot' these days? PUHlease.
And nice pose btw. Not awkward at all.
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Surfing the apocalypse.
Submitted by Green Is Good: "Put your goddamn clothes on, jackass. My lady-boner died screaming."
HAHAHAHHA. Mine, too. (Not that I had one at the moment, but if I HAD, it would have died screaming).
And he looks like a little boy in those speedos. Ick.
:(
Khloe Kuntrashian has a bigger package than this d-bag.
I actually thought he was hot (but very, very dumb) for a quick second during the Olympics. Now, my lady bits are most decidedly NOT tingling.
I see guys like this all the time. The dogs get all the action while most of the time the guys get ignored, since we're too busy fondling their pups. Team Cute Doggehs!
I do believe that might just be the most intelligent thing he's ever said. Dogs are total chick magnets. And I say this as a chick ;)
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
I could NEVER get tired of looking at that. He seems so accessible too.
Those Lochtes must have been in the deep end when brains were being passed out. Nobody asking to see his Carter is talking about any dog.
Is this guy getting any endorsements at all from the Olympics? In Canada we get all your Celebs as well and I've never seen him plugging anything (insert joke here)
I would have to think he's such a fucking toolbag they can't get him to endorse anything but munchies for a bunch of stoners.
He always sounds like he smoked a joint and then got kicked in the head by a donkey
Edit...or should I say he sounds like he smoked a donkey and then got kicked in the head by a joint.
Put your goddamn clothes on, jackass. My lady-boner died screaming.
"Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it." Christopher Hitchens
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Ugh. Ryan Lochte is soo July/August 2012.
Just when I got all images of this douche out of my head....
Has anybody seen the entire list? Was Michael Phelps on it? If not, something is seriously wrong. That is not a sexy look at all, & the guy can't interview for anything.
I will give him credit for not cropping his Doberman's ears.
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
He's about as sexy as a wet cat in an unplugged crock pot!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Yes, well we know that Carter is the smart one of the duo and makes all the decisions for him. He's the Brian Griffin to his Peter.
So why is he still around? He's the equivalent of one of the Jersey Shore douches, if one of them had ever won a gold medal.
I can't help myself. I have a weakness for a swimmers body...........broad shoulders and strong, thick thighs. The fact that they have endurance doesn't hurt either.
The dog is the better conversationalist, too.
This picture is so boring, you kinda WANT that dog to attack.
I srsly thought that was a Teletubbies tattoo.
Where's his junk :( Is he like a Ken doll?
Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 11/15/2012 - 12:38pm.
He's about as sexy as sleeping next to a fried egg.
You're just not adventurous enough!
In this picture, he looks like the blonde guy in Backstreet Boys who isn't Nick Carter.
He's about as sexy as sleeping next to a fried egg.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Snowy is well and she has a new addition to her family, a puppeh!!! Her commute to work is still messed up, 5 hours a day!!
This episode of awkward is brought to you by - Speedos - A proud sponsor of douchebags everywhere.
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
GG- I'm glad it's not just me. LOL
Louise...ewwwww
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012