Jaymes & James, the crotch-thrusting, nipple-baring, ass-twerking Chippendales strippers who are one of the teams who are racing to see Phil’s finish line smile on the 684th season of the 500 time Emmy-winning reality show The Amazing Race.
The new season of the only reality show that exists in the eyes of Emmy voters premiered last night, and it’s too early to tell if I’m here for The Fabulous Beekman Boys, the slightly annoying Sri Lankan twins or the Green Giant and Little Green Sprout, but last night I got into the man strippers who are so damn hyper that I’m pretty sure they add a scoop of meth powder to their Muscle Milk shakes. Jaymes & James look like they fell straight out of an International Male catalog and I really hope they don’t get eliminated before they have to go somewhere cold, because I need to watch them spend several hours trying to figure out how to put on a shirt with sleeves since they basically only wear tank tops.
My favorite man stripper moment from last night was when they got to Shanghai and a member from each team had to slurp up a papaya full of frog fallopian tubes. Who knew that frog fallopian tubes look like curdled cum stew? But even though that bowl of gross looked like expired man chowder, Jaymes slurped it up like his last name was Travolta!
And when some of the frog fallopian tubes got all over the table, Jaymes slurped that up too while his boy shouted, “Every piece of white has to be gone!”
I see what Jaymes & James did there and my gutter brain appreciates it.