The 2012 Emmy Winners Presented By Kat Dennings' Chichis
Since today's theme is turning into cleavage of all kinds, here's Kat Dennings hiking her chichi balls up so high that the feet of the angels can practically touch them. The Emmys should've opened last night with Kat and Christina Hendricks trying to hug, because that would've been a real show. It would've looked like four baby sumo wrestlers head butting each other over and over again. No, the Emmys didn't do that. They decided to hand out a bunch of awards to a bunch of boring ass shows instead.
You know what would've been easier? If they just showed a live shot of a dump truck backing up into Honey Boo Boo Chile's front lawn and dumping hundreds upon hundreds of trophies in front of her house. The Emmys can retire forever, because no other show will come close to reaching the levels of artistic excellence that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has reached. Just give Mama June all the Emmys and everyone can go home.
But the dumb bitches at the Emmys didn't do that either. They spent 3 hours passing out trophies and you can click here for a full list, but I threw some of the winners after the cut. If you say the line "Should've been Mama June's Forklift Foot" after reading each winner's name, you'd be telling nothing but the truth! GO!
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
(Side note: This definitely should've been one of Mama June's chins or Glitzy.)
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Outstanding Reality-Competition Program
The Amazing Race
Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality-Competition Program
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With The Stars
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Damian Lewis, Homeland
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Claire Danes, Homeland
Outstanding Writing For A Variety Special
Louis C.K., Live At The Beacon Theatre
Outstanding Variety Series
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or A Movie
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Tom Berenger, Hatfields & McCoys
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Julianne Moore, Game Change
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
Outstanding Miniseries or Movie
Game Change
Outstanding Drama Series
Homeland
Outstanding Comedy Series
Modern Family
And here's just a few pictures from last night (and yes, as soon as I stop spending all my money on lube and weed, I'm going to pay someone to redo the broke ass gallery): Kat Dennings with Nick Zano, Jessica Lange, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Aaron Paul, Damian Lewis, Claire Danes, Julianne Moore, Louis C.K., Keith Urban with Nicole Kidman, Hayden Pantywhatevers, Zooey Deschanel, Ginnifer Goodwin, Ashley Judd, Julianne Marguiles, Lucy Liu, Emily from Revenge, Glenn Close, Dr. Blossom, Kelly Osbourne, Peter Dinklage, Heidi Klum, Morena Baccarin, Edie Falco, Ellen & Portia, Lena Dunham and Tina Fey with her husband Jeff Richmond.


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Glenn Close, who I typically find impeccable, looks a mess. Glenn, just raid your wardrobe from "Damages" next time. And Zooey D. also looks horrible. Zooey, you're going to be 40 someday. Dress nicely and look good while you can.
Sarah Smile
Tough competition for the menfolk, though the winners were totally deserving. Modern Family as Outstanding Comedy Series. You can't be frigging serious.
I actually love what Portia is wearing. Lena D. looks terrible, but that may have been what she was going for.
Sarah Smile
All the winners are in shows I never watch.
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Since everybody has big knockers now the trend will start changing back to small boobs again. Ladies throw down those implants and let yourself be free.
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2 broke girls is the worst.
You Know Forklift Freida is PISSSED. And that's not Beautimous.
In a very weird lavender-lady sort-of-way, I like Kelly Osborne's total look head to toe.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 12:03am.
I'm not a fan of cosmetic surgery, but what the hell happened to King Kong-era Jessica Lange? Does she smoke, drink, and tan all day?
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She probably did in her prime. All that shit catches up to you eventually.
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Silly rabbit.
I'm not a fan of cosmetic surgery, but what the hell happened to King Kong-era Jessica Lange? Does she smoke, drink, and tan all day?
Heidi, my orthodontist's bubba called. She wants her curtains back.
Kay looks so pretty and innocent.
I've liked Kat Dennings since The 40 Year Old Virgin--she stole every scene she was in and she's beautiful to boot.
She maybe could have covered up the Chichis just a tad more, but overall I think she looked lovely at the Emmys.
A lot of the attendees looked horrible in tacky colors (chick from MF; Juliana Moore) and ill-fitting dresses (chick from Girls). How much are you paying your "stylists" for you to appear in such crappy outfits?! Money cannot buy taste.
Missed this yesterday but a Dennings-Hendricks chichi hug would have been epic! Their fingers would hardly touch! YASSSS, ollolll ;p
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Missed this whole mess; was busy watching the all-out mess of the NFL games last night. Reviewed the attire choices of the Emmy people today - not amused.
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“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” —Carl Sagan (RIP C.Hitchens, Winehouse, Houston, MCA, Diller, NArmstrong, MCDuncan, TScott) *caprica six was/is here*
Looking bad in the pre-stylist era makes sense. Looking bad when there's a whole army of stylists in Hollywood? No excuse. Did these chicks PAY someone to make them look this bad?
I thought Jessica Paré looked the best last night. Vintage chic without looking drag queen-esque.
Worst looks? Obvs: Lena Dunham, who ruined her new cute haircut with a matronly, frumpy and spectacularly ill-fitting dress. It didn't even look like she wore it. It looked like a kid playing with paper dolls pinned it on her.
Zosia Mamet, who should wear something simple and not high 80s.
And good lord, Portia di Rossi looked like one of those brittle Cindy Sherman society ladies.
I like Kat Dennings. She has a nice and approachable quality to her. Plus, I like "Two Broke Girls". She has a smart-ass quality to her character on the show that I like.
That being said, not a big fan of some of these dresses. Uggh. Julianne Moore has a lovely face and beautiful hair. She is so PALE...why YELLOW? Pale can be dressed in much better ways. NOT YELLOW. She looked like a big banana with red hair. That hideous dress that Heidi Klum is wearing is just awful. Blech.
I think all the ladies are lovely, but they do themselves a HUGE injustice by wearing this crap. I think it is like many people - you just do not know what to wear. I suppose it happens. However, they all have a stylist and other kinds of professional help. What is the excuse for this?
Submitted by NDNchief on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:55pm.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:48pm.
Yo, NDNChief, are you a boy or girl?
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*channeling Sucky*
I'M A MASCULINE MUFF MASHING, PEARL NECKLACE GIVING, TUNA POUNDING HE-MAN.
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You forgot FISH FUCKING and VAGINA DESTROYING. :P
Is Ashley Judd still trying to pretend that her puffiness is the result of a medical issue and not fillers? She looks ridiculous and almost as tacky as her whore of a mother.
Heidi Klum is so overrated. Her nose looks like it sits too high up her face. Has her nose always been like that or did she have a nosejob?
Whoohoo, Damian Lewis! I love this ginge Brit ever since he played simply unforgettable Soames Forsyte in "The Forsyte Saga".
I feel like an old lady that I don't know who half these people are. Tina Fey and Edie Falco look gorgeous. Edie is usually a little frumpy, but that dress is so sleek and sophisticated.
What is with all the highlighter yellow dresses? I thought Claire Danes was Goopy Paltrow in the thumb. Ginnifer Goodwin is so pretty, but that dress reminds me of an art project I did with my grandma when I was 6.
I don't know who Lea Dunham is, but wtf?? Did she not want to go, so she wore a protest dress? Nothing on that dress is flattering to anyone in the entire world. It doesn't even look like it fits properly. Maybe if it were tailored to her curves like Tina's dress instead of looking two sizes too big, it would have been not so bad?
Julianne Moore looked like ketchup and mustard (with the red lips and yellow dress). But she did a great job playing Sarah Palin. That miniseries was hilarious. It was so making fun of Sarah Palin. Like Julianne played the role seriously, but somehow there was still an air of passive-agressive mockery. It was great.
Lena Dunham looks like ass, as usual; my girl Tina Fey looks wonderful; Ashley Judd has LOST IT and probably has spiders in her beehive; Ellen and Portia have GOT to stop with the over-tanning and dieting; the yellow gowns look hideous, especially on Danes and Moore; I will always love Morena Baccarin even if her dresses are a little strange; Zooey Deschanel has GOT to stop with the cutesiness already; Julia Louis-Dreyfus looks strangely lumpy in that dress; I will love Louis CK until I DIE (and no one, NO ONE, can convince me that he doesn't look like your standard Mex veterano, red hair or no).
So glad I didn't watch this mess last night.
Keith looks like someone just told him they can leave and go get some ice cream.
I like Zoe's dress, but that color is too pale for her. She would look good in a deep eggplant purply color.
Nicole's dress looks like a Rohrschach test, but I like Nicole.
Did someone forget to tell Judd that this was not the Hee Haw awards? Is she having a nervous breakdown?
Lena Dunham looks like she is wearing the dress version of period sweatpants, made with the curtains from the Sound of Music.
I love Revenge, too. I like the writing and stone cold no emotion Emily. I also hate Amanda and her not-Jack's baby belly. The first season lagged a bit in the middle, but it looks like it could be good again.
There are so many good comedic actresses on tv these days. Any of them winning would be fine with me.
Kat looks very nice in that dress. Too bad about her face, though. (I just can't be nice today.)
tempokat: You hit that nail on the head, puss! I didn't watch the Emmy Awards, but when I saw these pics from the night and Ashley's leaning tower of hair confronted my eyes I thought, "She's got to get out of the South occasionally." She must be sharing a stylist with Honey Boo-Boo.
Scott in NYC: Bitter much? What's wrong with posing for pictures and holding hands? What are you going to complain about next, people who always SMILE when photos are taken of them? Sheesh. That said, I'll agree with one of your statements. I have never seen Portia looking so haggard. She's either got the flu or maybe she's got a case of the babies that's making her feel nauseous. Or maybe it's Ellen's hand! Whenever Ellen grabs her hand, Portia wants to puke. Maybe you have a point, Scott in NYC!
@ Helena
I stand corrected on that. But then, that makes her even LESS fat, because not only is her weight evenly distributed, it is distributed over a smaller frame.
(btw My favourite lecturer at university was called Helena, and you make me think of her when you post)
Love Ellen and Portia. That jumpsuit is awesome. Hate Kelly Osbourne and the whole I'm a tatooed freak but I clean up nice thing. Love Jessica. Love Glenn and her bitch character on Damages. I'm surprised MK has never mentioned the supreme bitchness of that character. And I know you all hate Nicole, but I love her and her husband looks pretty hot.
Morena and Ginnifer need to switch hairstyles.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Gennifer Goodwin looks good but what the hell is the problem with the evil side eye. Love her dress. It's one of the best, if a little big, but her crappy attitude needs to be kicked to the curb.
What a shame that such a vile, trashy, useless, disgusting pig as Kelly Osbourne gets to wear such a beautiful dress. :(
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:39pm.
She is tall and her weight is evenly distributed.
---
She's actually only 5'5". I think she's gorgeous, though, and definitely not fat.
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Devil's advocate.
Did Dynasty or Dallas ever win Emmys? I wouldn't expect Revenge to ever be seriously considered, nontheless it's such a guilty pleasure to watch.
***************
You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Ginnifer Goodwin gets on my damn nerves, but I luuuurve that dress. Lena Dunham's makeup and hair looks fabulous, but that dress makes her look frumpy :-/ Peter Dinklage gives me a forever lady boner.
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Devil's advocate.
I am not a huge Kat Dennings person...but to call her fat is to be an asshole. She is not fat.
As we all know, I have a Christina Hendricks crush, and I thought she did the chi chi's justice last night. I do wish she would stop with the pale colors, though.
Edie Falco is fucking KILLING IT!!! You go CARMELLA!
I like Portia's hair, but she is looking haggard.
I love me some Danes and loved when she called Hugh Dancy her "baby daddy". Very cute. (LOVE HOMELAND)
Kidman looks like she always does. I swear she has worn this dress 5 times.
I wonder if Tina Fey's husband is actually classified as a little person.
The rest are "meh", don't warrant a comment.
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"I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth...and lick my balls with it!"
I thought Blossom was Tallulah Belle Willis or however it is spelled.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:59pm.
i got sunday ticket -- did not pass thru a single game without seeing some kind of brouhaha over a bad call. either i saw the bad call myself, or when i turned the channel the game announcers were talking about prior bad call. imo this season should now just get an asterisk for team and individual records. there is no credibility. just like in a strike shortened season...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Dear Ashley: The ghost of Patsy Cline called, she wants her wig back. Thanks ever so.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:15pm.
"...and i'd say maybe a couple of "behind the camera" nominations for the show too!"
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Absolutely. He is not only one of the writers but one of the creators. Will Ferrell also for Exec. Producer! *goes to change avie back!*
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
I love Pantwhore's dress. Those implants are really working for her.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:57pm.
@pushy -- to be honest if it were any other coach and team i'd be on his side. the nfl just needs to just stop the madness w/the replacement refs, the entire 4 minutes i saw was one bad call after another. bellicheat really should have punched that guy in the nuts...
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They really need to just give the refs what they want already. This is becoming a travesty!
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WALKING DEAD Season 3 premiere: October 14, 2012
Submitted by NDNchief on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:55pm.
*channeling Sucky* I'M A MASCULINE MUFF MASHING, PEARL NECKLACE GIVING, TUNA POUNDING HE-MAN.
I like you already.
@pushy -- to be honest if it were any other coach and team i'd be on his side. the nfl just needs to just stop the madness w/the replacement refs, the entire 4 minutes i saw was one bad call after another. bellicheat really should have punched that guy in the nuts...
OT: i despise ALL of those shows about quirky edgy sarcastic mouthy hip twenty-something Carrie Bradshaw is my idol "starting off in life is so hard when i have to work and take care of myself waaahhhhhh waaaahhhhh" moaning whining bitches. all of those characters can kiss my entire ass. the characters, not necessarily all of the actresses...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:48pm.
Yo, NDNChief, are you a boy or girl?
I asked this a while back because I was WONDERING but you either didn't see it or you couldn't be bothered answering.
====================================================
*channeling Sucky*
I'M A MASCULINE MUFF MASHING, PEARL NECKLACE GIVING, TUNA POUNDING HE-MAN.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:43pm.
Submitted by NDNchief on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:38pm.
i watched the final four minutes of the game. as a patriot hater, i felt the same way i'm sure you would feel if you were motorboating kat dennings. best end to a game ever!!
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Kindred Spirit ! ! I too am a patriot hater. Especially, T.Brady ! ! The best part of the end was the "BULLSHIT !" chant from the crowd over and over. I'm sure NBC is gonna get in trouble for that. It was entertaining though.
Motorboating ! ! ! ! !
Kat did the chichi dress right. She looks stunning.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Submitted by Happy Hour on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 2:44pm.
Am I the only one that watches that mess of a show called Revenge?
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*jumps up and down, squealing*
I watch it too! (I like seeing someone shares my TV tastes. It gets lonesome here sometimes with all the Mad Men fans.)
Everything about it is bullshit. How is American Horror Story, which had just as many episodes as Mad Men or Homeland considered a mini-series? And Downton Abbey was 4 two hour episodes, yet that is considered a drama. And since when can you take a canceled show and call it a mini series like the Missing mess Ashley Judd was in?
and Amy Pohler was robbed!!!
*high fives Miss Jane* looking forward to the new season! I hate hate fake Amanda. H a t e