For Why?!?
I just gave birth to a trio of fuckyous for the three of you hateful bitches who sent this to me and then I gave birth to a fuckme for pressing play on this musical abortion of a song even though I knew it would be the worst thing that happened to my ears.
Since I only fill my head with television programs of the highest cultural quality (examples: Bad Girls Club Mexico and Hollywood Exes), I don't watch Teen Mom at all. So I don't know if Farrah Abraham is the one who turned her baby's bottle into a meth pipe or if she's the one who got her baby's water wings surgically shoved into her chest. I don't know, but now I do know Farrah Abraham as the tone deaf trick who's responsible for making ears barf out buckets of blood.
I know I exaggerate about everything, but I'm not exaggerating about this. It's like Farrah was taking a bath in battery acid when somebody threw a plugged-in synthesizer into the tub and recorded her electrocuted screams. If you took a scratched Crystal Castles CD, put it into a factory-defected Discman, pressed play and then tossed it into a garbage disposal, it would sound like this song. It really is like an auto-tuned massacre.
Recently, I made the biggest mistake of my life (next to listening to this) by getting Zoom whitening. If you've never gotten Zoom, don't do it. Just rinse your mouth with Clorox like a sane person. During the 12 hours after I got that teeth torture treatment, it felt like my teeth were strapped to tiny electrical chairs. Out of nowhere, I'd get these "zings" that felt a million times worse than chewing on a ball of foil. You'd hear Farrah's song if you held a stethoscope up to one of my teeth as it ZINGED out. What I'm trying to say is I'd rather get Zoom whitening on my ass lips than listen to this piece of shit song again.
I totally sold this song to you, right? Enjoy!
via InTouch
• 
Submitted by City Barbie on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 7:19pm.
Gaaack!! I can't stand this spoiled brat! That's' not a song. That's a fight with her mother run through a synthesizer!
___________________
LMAO Those two are awful people and the dad is a pussy for just sitting there and letting it happen.
Kecha can you hear me??????
Farrah looks hilarious when she cries. She should sell that as her talent.
I blame MTV for making these idiots relevant.
What in the holy hell??? Why didn't you warn us Michael, why???
Oh wait, you did.
I'm the guy who'll watch you pull your finger out of your butt and when you say "Here smell this, its awful", I'll do it.
Cuz I never think it'll be as bad as I'm told it'll be.
Cuz I like to see the positive in everything.
What's wrong with you people? I can understand what she's saying perfectly. I'll translate the first few lyrics:
Dude. Dude. Dude.
Myself outta my own frame
Sick of day Jimmy
Doesn't this on my thing.
No why I am always have.
See? Perfectly understandable.
my cat literally just ran out of the room & hid behind the bed.
Gaaack!! I can't stand this spoiled brat! That's' not a song. That's a fight with her mother run through a synthesizer!
What in the everloving fuck was that? Sounded like two horny cats fighting in a blender in a nightclub at the Jersey Shore.
I need to go douche out my ears and take a handful of Advil.
So farrah is a bitch, ugly, talentless AND illiterate? LMAO! Keep posting these blog passages because they are hilarious.
they are totally going to use this shit at guantanamo bay.
Submitted by louise_brooks
Guest- here ya go!
http://farrahabraham.me/
Even worse than her writing "skillz"-- did you see the ADS on her site? SHE'S GETTING PAID every time someone visits. A friend who works in advertising once mentioned that some of the "mommy blogs" are raking in $10,000 OR MORE each month in ad revenue!
Oh lordy....I watch teen mom and I cant even stand the way this one talks, let alone hear her sing. I can't imagine her sounding like anything but nasal hell.
No thanks. Oh and MK, Crest whitestrips are the only way to go!!
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
THIS WAS FANTASTIIIIIIIIC!!! I want this to play with in ear shot of whatever room I'm in!!!!! *Claps* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!
*bashes head against wall* -_-
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
Submitted by Half Empty on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 4:22pm.
This makes Kim Z. sound like Britney Spears
====================================
LOL!
what the fuck did i just listen to????!!!!!
-----------------------------------------
"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Why can't shooters shoot people like this bitch?
LouiseBrooks::::
STOP! You're -- I mean, YOUR killing me with Farrah's impeccable writing prowess! I don't think I can take much more of this prolific literary powerhouse-- and I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling a bit ignorant & intimidated, so just go easy on us, Mm'K? Thanks :D
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please let me know if you don't read this
LMAO! Hulu has kind of a bad marketing campaign when their anti-smoking commercials make the viewers want to vomit. Do I really want to watch the show THAT bad?
*****
Submitted by BoredSlore on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 4:08pm.
Thanks to auto tune, every time that anti smoking commercial comes on with the people talk thru their voice boxes, I feel the need to dubstep.
I just know that somewhere is a Chris Cox remix of this abortion.
This makes Kim Z. sound like Britney Spears. Going to clean my ears out with bleach now.
"Isn't one-and-only supposed to be like one? And only?"
This is the end, people. The fucking end. So says Paul Mooney and I. I hate this vapid, worthless cunt more than words can express. Maybe it's the old fart In me but she represents PRECISELY what is wrong with this country culturally and WHY we are hitting the shitter. I know it sounds harsh but this bitch should have gotten an abortion and gone to community college. No wonder continental Europe considers itself superior to America. It is. So ashamed to be an American these days.
Oh and she's got those godawful stripper/hooker nails. Why doesn't some serial killer come after this bitch? Pretty please.
I refuse to press play.
Oooh Oh Diamond Girl (Yes, Yes)
"Diamond girl, me haces sentirrrr como estoy en fuego junto a ti"
*pops, locks, and headspins*
****************************************
"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Thanks to auto tune, every time that anti smoking commercial comes on with the people talk thru their voice boxes, I feel the need to dubstep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It sounds like goose being strangled while it screams in Vietnamese.~ louise_brooks 08/07/12
Submitted by Gobbler on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:58pm.
*smdh*
She has such wonderful writing "skillz".
Submitted by Gobbler on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:59pm.
Hahaha! No problem. It actually really infuriates me that someone who, not only doesn't have talent, but can't even construct a focused paragraph would be on a cross-country book tour. There are far more deserving writers (who can actually know the difference between loose and lose) out there.
Whamo, lol how you got all techie on them. They're so predictable! Now, mostly just borrow the DVD's. If only we could do that with the news as well. Still have to jump and mute those, unless it's a good trailer I want to watch *MM for example* lmao!
Have you seen the one for The Campaign?
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
That was 31 Flavors of Not Right.
______________________________________________
One martini; Two at the most
3 I'm under the table; Four I'm under the host.
I miss the days when only talented people would get a chance to set foot inside a recording studio!
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
LOL Sorry Louise Brooks for biting your style! I guess we were equally horrified!
fuck you michael, why did you have to make me press play :crying:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Only love can break your heart
This is from her website. How can someone have "degrees" and still write like this?
"When I become to serious and to focused on the responsibilities I loose who I am and how I want to be a happy , healthy, reliable parent for my child. so let’s focus on somethings fun for you and your children. I really think when were older and our kids our grown up the best thing we can do is look at are home made videos and enjoy every second, so I took the privilege to record and edit a video for sophia this week take a look and make a video with your family."
maybe this is the recording of the birth?
While I watch documentaries, science programs, etc, I also like some of the reality tv shows. As a matter of fact, I turned that Finding Bigfoot show into a drinking game one Saturday. Every time someone said "squatch" I took a drink and whenever that chick said the word "biologist" I chugged my drink...*shrugs*
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:43pm.
Whamo, I can't sit there an watch them anymore, I mute if absolutely forced
===================================
My old TV had the timer so I would set the timer when they went to commercial and I'd guess in 30second block when they'd be back, that way could channel surf and not forget what I was watching. This is also how I know exactly how long the breaks are. I got really good at guessing:)
Wtf is this torture, Atari chainsaw WTF!
Whamo, I can't sit there an watch them anymore, I mute if absolutely forced! You have the right idea with library vids though. Or streaming... Now, someone has to mention a trailer or sneak it in online before I see it! he he he ;)
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Like-Wow and Hekki - THANK YOU. Sometimes I have no idea about what I have dreamed or have watched. (ie last night I dreamed about owning an iPad that was the size of a broadsheet newspaper, and was convinced it was real when I woke up)
I can't watch things like that anymore, because of the creepy ability of some people to manipulate poor unfortunates that have no other guidance.
I definitely think that some 'predators' have the ability to 'smell' victims, much to my personal experience and sadness. But no more. In the words of Mr T - I pity the fool who fuck wit me.....
***************
Certified Slore
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:32pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:20pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:07pm.
--
Hate commercials too
============================================
Right Reason !!! The worse is the last 20 minutes of a show they do three four minutes of programming and right near the end of the show can do upwards of 6 min in commercials, especially a movie that's on TV. It drives me NUTS!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:10pm.
Submitted by MahatMaCoat on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:09pm.
Torture?
*ears perk up*
***************
*rubs hands together like mad scientist* oh yes Evil, I am thinking of forcing Photoshop's eyes open with matchsticks and subjecting it to hours and hours of a slideshow of black and white photo's of models with *eek* BLEMISHES ON THEIR SKIN..... mwah ha ha ha ha
Certified Slore
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:14pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 2:56pm.
I basically only watch documentaries, science, nature shows, Brit-Coms, and BBC world News
____________________________________
I watch all that shit too but don't you ever want some DESSERT!?!?!
================================================
LOL! Hell's Kitchen and the other boot-camp cooking shows he does are the only ones I've really seen more than a handful of.
I'm sure it's like anything once you start you get hooked and will watch anything...that's how I got to watching Coronation Street for the last 6 months or so:)
By the way what happened to the guy who's dad ran off with the money he borrowed to pay off the loan shark that was after his dad? Now HE owes the loan shark the money his dad owed originally and has to sell drugs for the loan shark to make up for the money his deadbeat dad took off with!!!
Whatever will happen??????
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:20pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:07pm.
--
Hate commercials too, and prefer to watch a few shows without interruptions. ;) #VeryBadCustomer
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
The video of Sophia is cute!!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:12pm.
"Money can't buy you class,
Money can't buy you class....
-------------------------------
You're right, but not having class or dignity seems to make a lot of people very rich. Look at all those reality tv show shits.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:15pm.
Plus anyone who's ever seen one episode of that show knows she is the last person who should be giving parenting advice. You know that saying that angels watch over fools and children? Well, their angels are working serious OT.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:07pm.
I already know it all, so I just can't be bothered! ; )
===============================================
LMAO!! I just HATE commercials and I find most of these have none or very little. Plus I'll watch a handfull of movies a week that I've never heard of from the library. I've seen some really cool movies I would never have seen otherwise.
I just watched a movie call The Fall which was amazing, cool story, really stylistically shot and and all around super cool movie.
*shugs*
I swear to God, when the fuck is this auto tune novelty going to wear off? Just proves these young kids don't know anything - and that includes what talent is and what music is. Thanks Mtv! Thanks so much for this stupid ho.
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
"Being health conscious is something I haven’t had to work at, maybe because I have never liked fat, I enjoyed thinking at times my body is effortlessly perfect and let’s not forget a big portion of my degrees were filled with nutrition and how food dieting continues to change"
You can tell a big portion of her degrees were not filled with English.
**************************
"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:12pm.
now it's stuck in my head.
thanks for thattttt!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz