How Does Donatella Versace Stay So Young And Fresh?

When you think of Donatella Versace it’s probably because you’re watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame or eating a bowl of charbroiled sausage coins and spaghetti, but that’s besides the point. When you think of Donatella Versace, you automatically think of the question, “What is the secret to her looking like Iggy Pop’s torso in a white blond weave?” You must share a brain with The Telegraph’s Lisa Armstrong, because she thought the same thing. During interviews with The Telegraph and WWD (via Fashionista), Donatella, seen below at Madge’s concert in Milan, told them that she stays young from cutting down on cigarettes, sleeping in a chilled meat locker and injecting her beautiful Play-Doh mug with Botox.

On how she keeps her face fresh so the Health Republic of Italy doesn’t recall it:
At 57, she looks astonishing. “How do I keep young?” she growls in a dust-bowl of an accent so thick it sometimes requires subtitles. “Haven’t you heard? I sleep every night in the deep freezer!”

On how she keeps the Botox needle away from her labia:
And in truth, she can look a bit fearsome. But to know her even a little is to understand that 70 per cent of her armour – the flaxen, waist-length extensions, the fake lashes, the Botox (“only on my face, not on my body, that’s the result of hard work”) and stormy expressions – is a front she has been cultivating ever since, aged 11, her big brother Gianni goaded her to peroxide her hair.

I see the Death Eaters pin-up ghoul wants to keep all her beauty secrets to herself. I get it. I mean, Botox, exercise and sleeping in a freezer? That’s shit only simple mortals do. Most of us know that Donatella keeps herself young by lacing her cigarettes with the fear of skinny children, sleeping in a vacuum sealed coffin and going down to the studio that makes Wallace & Gromit every other week to get her clay face re-molded. But don’t worry, Donatella, your beauty secrets are safe with us.

And Donatella also had something to say about feminism:

“Feminism is dead in the world. It comes from another time. I’m a feminist. I want to fight, but I don’t see many people with this desire to fight for something. Women don’t help each other, especially in fashion. I know Miuccia [Prada]… but that’s it. Nobody else.”

I think what Donatella meant to say is that feminism is dead, because there’s just way too many fat bitches in the world and it’s really, really hard for her to look at a fat woman let alone help one!