“Glass, How Does It Work?” – Justin Bieber

You’d think that since Justin Bieber is a communion wafer with hair who can walk on water, he’d be able to walk through glass too. But that shit ain’t so. The Lesbeaver isn’t the Canadian Jesus, but he might be a vampire fetus who can’t see his own reflection in anything, because glass once again made him its bitch in Paris yesterday. I know, I totally should’ve made “glass” Hot Slut of the Day.

Bieber called into TMZ yesterday after his head kissed a glass wall backstage during a show at the top of one of the tallest buildings in Paris. The Lesbeaver said that he hit his golden globe of tween dreams so hard that he suffered a slight concussion. Even though tiny, sparkly Bieber heads (that’s what the Bieb sees instead of stars, obviously) spun around him, he still went back out on stage and finished the show. But after the show, he stumbled back to his dressing room and passed out for 15 seconds. Yeah, that is why it felt like there was TOO much oxygen in the air for 15 seconds yesterday. Because every Belieber sensed that their God was out and held their breath until he woke up. They got the senses like that.

A doctor from the Cabbage Patch Medical Center was airlifted in to check on Bieber. The doctor cleared Bieber and the world continued to spin.

This isn’t the first time and it’s not even the second time Bieber lost a battle against his greatest enemy, glass. Let’s relive the beautiful memories.

and:

And every bird is like, “That dumb bitch!’