Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

March 14, 2012 / Posted by:

This celebrity mom-to-be is treating her body like a garbage disposal. She is unashamedly eating anything and everything she wants. The weight gain is already obvious, but it’s all part of her plan. She has already inked a deal with a weight loss company and will be sporting a slim and trim post baby body before you can say deep fried Twinkie. However, the secret of her incredible pound shedding will be plastic surgery, not diet and exercise. Right now she and her manager are deciding whether or not to add a breast reduction to the lipo and tuck procedures. News that she is in labor will hit soon, but it’s actually a scheduled c-section. (Hollywood Dame via Blind Gossip)

Jessica Simpson? Exhibit: A. Exhibit B is the picture above of the “slutty brownie” that Jessica says is her number one pregnancy craving. It’s cookie dough, Oreos and brownie batter together in one delicious square of insta-diabetes. I don’t know why they call it the slutty brownie. Maybe because you just want to face fuck it until your jaw breaks? The slutty brownie would be so much butter if a creamed bacon patty was sandwiched between two of them.

This semi-retired supermodel is finally ready to kick her cheating, good-for-nothing husband to the curb! The still-sexy catwalk queen and mother of two has turned the other cheek for many years, but the last straw was when her hunky hubby started canoodling with one of her girlfriends! Who is she? (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

Cindy Crawford to Rande Gerber: “You’ll never lick this mole again, bitch!”

A week or so ago I was talking to someone I have known forever. She is an actress you would all know if you saw her, but might not know her name. She has been acting for 20 years and is probably on her biggest hit right now. Scary show too. Anyway, she started off on a show that was a reincarnation/spin off of a very hit show that used some, but not many of the stars from the first show. She says that if you wanted to be on this new hit show you had to have sex. Constantly. With the producers. If you said no they would just find another woman or guy and slide them in and kick you out. The only people exempt from the requirement were the holdovers from the other show. However, those holdovers were all the biggest abusers of the new talent. The oldest actor was also the creepiest. He loved finding the legal and maybe not quite legal actors and actresses for himself. There were two people who quit rather than have sex with the guy although he supposedly could not stay hard enough to actually consummate the act.

One other actor made his way through over 100 cast members and extras during the run of the show and the actor literally cried when the show was canceled because he knew he would never be able to coerce women like that again. If you go over to his house he will show you tapes of about half the women he had sex with.

There was one B+ actor who is still that today who participated, but only when his girlfriend was not around. When you go through the list of the cast members who were on the show and how many episodes they were in, you can see which ones made the producers happy and which ones were sent packing after just a few episodes.

As for my friend? She stuck it out as long as she could. She had one producer who really liked her and she had sex with him and he protected her from the others. He left though about halfway through the run of the show and she followed him out the door (CDAN)

The “hit” horror shows on the air right now are:

American Horror Story, True Blood, Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Walking Dead and Vampire Diaries.

But none of those shows really took me to a solid guess, so I’ve got nothing. I’m going to work this problem out on the chalkboard until I somehow come up with Newhart as my answer, because you know everyone was a serious fuck freak on that show.

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