AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Everyone who was backstage at the Coldplay concert in Abu Dhabi on New Year’s Eve found out the painful way what it’s like to witness a conversation between a tequila worm on meth and a pinched anus when Fishsticks Paltrow dropped some GOOP into Courtney Love’s ear. I don’t know why Courtney was in Abu Dhabi (Trying to sell herself at clearance prices to a sheik”), but she was there and somehow got backstage at the Coldplay show. Courtney’s cheek found its way to GOOPY’s cheek and as her system tried to fight off the “pretentious cunt” syndrome seeping into her face pores, she posted this on her Twitter:

Courtney Courtney Love Cobain
getting the best advise for the new years from a true friend, love you @GwynethPaltrow @Goop
31 Dec

What kind of advice could GOOPY give Courtney? Gently roll all your crack rocks in crushed lemon seeds before you smoke them? If you’re going to write a threatening letter to your estranged daughter, do it on persimmon-scented papier from GOOPY’s favorite stationary store located in the attic of a diamond museum on the outskirts of Paris.

And by the looks of that picture, the wrong ho is the one giving the advice. One of them looks like she only survives on eating nicotine patches and hasn’t slept in weeks because the voices of her enemies keep her up at night. And I’m not talking about Courtney, for a change.

I mean, Fishsticks looks like hell. She looks like Kurt Cobain TODAY, which is probably why Courtney wanted a picture with her in the first place.