Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 12, 2011 / Posted by:

Gabriela Spanic, novela superstar, one of the jewels on the crown of Venezuela and a natural flower whose last name means “Naomi Judd-like” en español. Gabriela Spanic was about as familiar to me as proper grammar and lady clitorises, but when my friends Eric and Chris wrote a thorough nomination essay on her I pretty much felt like her long-lost soulmate as soon as my eyes finished reading the third sentence. You will too, because who hasn’t almost been stomach murdered by their assistant? Take it away, Eric and Chris:

She’s a Venezuelan actress whose natural beauty, talent and grace embody everything about telenovelas.

She’s classy and down-to-earth in real life:

* Her assistant tried to slowly poison her and her family. She’s in jail now.
* Her twin sister Daniela (yes, she even has an evil twin) had a very public bout of amnesia (Dios mio!).
* Gaby’s family claims that Dany’s husband has brainwashed Dany into hating her family.
* Her colleague Carmen Salinas kicked off a virtual slap fest by publicly declaring Gaby as bipolar and mentally unstable.

She’s a natural beauty:

* She’s (allegedly) 37, yet she’s had so much work done that she now looks like Priscilla Presley.
* Her face can’t move from Botox, so she can only emote in scenes by grimacing.
* She wears hot outfits like this: http://tutambienleperteneces.blogspot.com/2010/04/ivana-dorantes-gabiela-spanic-es.html
* Her boobs have graced the pages of Awful Plastic Surgery: http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/2008/05/23/can-you-drive-a-truck-through-these-part-2/

She’s talented:

* Her newest novela, Emperatriz, is doing so poorly that the producers have brought on Niurka as a guest villainess to boost the ratings. Yes, that Niurka.
* She’s got hot acting skills:

* She’s the voice soulmate of Miley Cyrus:

And I just have one thing to add: since we already know Gaby Spanic like that, we might as well know her all the way by staring at a stunning (NSFW) picture of her with her chichis plastico out while massaging her nalgas the way every fine lady does. I can almost hear my abuelita screaming “PUTA SUCIA!” before grabbing her pink plastic rosary to pray to her Jesus hologram portrait. A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty.

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