Renee Zellweger Gets To Eat Again

August 12, 2011 / Posted by:

While some hos are moaning “NOOOO!!!!!!”, Squinty Zellweger’s stomach is letting out a cry of happiness, because it’s finally going to get filled with something other than beard glue, dried kumquat seeds and coffee. That’s because Entertainment Weekly says that a third Bridget Jones movie is about to slide down Hollywood’s culito, which means that the fruit fly who weighs less than an actual fruit fly will be reunited with food again!

The plot and other details hasn’t been given up yet, but last year Colin Firth explained the possible plot like this: “I can tell you that Bridget and Mark can’t have children, I think that’s the way it goes on. So then she makes the huge mistake of going back to Daniel Cleaver [Hugh Grant’s character] for long enough to get pregnant. And I think he dumps her, and she’s left stranded, and guess who comes back to rescue her?”

Same damn love triangle with the same damn people. Bridget Jones 3: Trying To Make History By Being The Only Movie To Get Less Than 0% On Rotten Tomatoes. That shit plot sounds as torturous as watching Squinty’s optometrist try to do a glaucoma test on her. But at least Squinty will be back to looking human. Shit. That’s if she doesn’t get sneaky by pulling out a fat suit. Just tell her that all fat suits are straight and she won’t go near their asses.

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